Stop Working Out to Burn Calories… Start Seeing RESULTS! (EP 47: The Vegan Life Coach Podcast)

Can you guess how many burpees you’d have to do to burn off the calories of just 3 Oreo Cookies (1 serving)?

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Check out episode  47 of The Vegan Life Coach Podcast to find out!

I use this phrase a lot: “You can’t outrun your fork,” meaning that no matter how insanely hard you work out if you’re eating unhealthy foods, you simply will not get results (which for most people means weight loss)… At least not for long.

So many people are stuck in a self-sabotaging cycle, using exercise to try to burn off the calories they feel guilty about consuming, which is not only unsustainable but flat out makes you miserable and can lead to injuries.

In this episode, we talk about the powerful mindset shifts that have helped our clients see permanent results, including weight loss and a strong, fit body for life. 

Make sure you’re a member of our Empowered Vegan Life tribe to join us for tons of FREE opportunities to help you build healthy habits and adopt an empowered vegan lifestyle that brings you joy, freedom, and abundance!


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE


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Boundaries Part 2 (The Vegan Life Coach Podcast Episode 22)

If you haven’t listened to episode 21, part 1 of our 2-part series on boundaries, check it out HERE first!

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Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill. Unfortunately, it’s a skill that many of us didn’t necessarily learn growing up. We may have picked up a few pointers here or there, but in reality, it can be very challenging and feel really uncomfortable when we first begin setting those boundaries. 

I have a few steps that will help get you started.

Step #1

First, look to your emotions to help you name your limits. Two really good indicators of boundary violations are discomfort and resentment. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you can likely point to a boundary being violated from the outside. 

If you are feeling resentment, that is often an indicator that you have pushed yourself beyond your limit to avoid feelings of guilt, or you are giving in to someone imposing their expectations or views on you. You are responding by violating our own limits.

Step #2

Pay attention to your feelings and become clear about your own limits, both internally and externally. You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. 

Identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits. Consider what you can tolerate and accept, and identify what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed. Those feelings coupled with your understanding of your values help us identify what our limits are.

Take a moment to think of some examples of where your limits might be. For example, you may find that you are uncomfortable when your best friend asks you for money.  This might be a mental and emotional limit that you are wanting to set with your friends and family. You do not lend money because everyone has a different philosophy when it comes to money, and it is something that tends to cause a lot of conflict, so that is your particular limit.  

Another might be that you become stressed when your children have a lot of the neighborhood kids over. Maybe this is your line. Your children can play with the neighborhood kids in the yard or the garage but not in the house. This is an example of setting a physical boundary. 

Maybe your partner expects you to take on the bulk of the responsibility for the household; however, this is something that you find impossible to do successfully.  It is okay to set the boundaries for those areas that you are willing to take responsibility for and no more.

Step #3

The next step is to give yourself permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them. When setting new boundaries, emotional pitfalls can cause us to wonder why we deserve to have boundaries in the first place. Fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls. 

It can feel strange when we start to set boundaries because we aren’t used to creating these limits. We might fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries. We might feel guilty by speaking up or saying no to a family member. For example, many believe that they should be able to cope with a situation or say yes because they’re a good daughter or son, even though they “feel drained or taken advantage of.” This can cause some self doubt… So much so that we might wonder if we even deserve to have boundaries in the first place.  

It’s important to keep going back to why you set the boundaries in the first place. Creating that line and holding to it creates a healthier you and healthier relationships in the long run.

Boundaries are all about honing in on your feelings and honoring them. If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, ask yourself some questions…

What’s changed from when I set this limit? Consider the situation. “What I am doing or [what is] the other person doing?” or “What about this situation is making me resentful or uncomfortable or stressed?” 

Then, examine your options: “What am I going to do about the situation?” “What do I have control over?”

You might also consider the roles you play, and commit to putting yourself as the leading role in your life. It is not only okay, but also necessary to put yourself first and to consider your needs just as important as the needs of others.  

Prioritize self-care. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish… It is necessary for a healthy life. Putting yourself first also gives you the energy, peace of mind, and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there for them. When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.

Step #4

If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, seek some support, whether that means finding a support group, church, or seeking counseling, coaching or time with good friends. 

About 13 years ago, I went through a divorce. It was painful and devastating as most divorces are. But when I came out of the emotional haze, I started really analyzing what went wrong. 

It came down to boundaries…. I didn’t have any, and my ex didn’t meet a boundary he couldn’t violate. I knew it was imperative that I build them.  First of all, I didn’t have them in my marriage, and I didn’t have them anywhere. 

Secondly, I had to form a new relationship with this person…We had children and he wasn’t going away. Finding support was the key.  I found a church that had a support group based on forming boundaries and the book, Boundaries: When to Say Yes and How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by John Townsend and Henry Cloud.  

The support group was a game changer, not only for my relationship with my ex husband but for my relationships with others. I don’t think this would have been possible without the education and support that I took hold of during that time.  I can tell you now that my ex husband and I have a great relationship.  One in which my children never have to choose between their parents, and one in which I can honestly say that he and I are friends.

Step #5

It’s not enough to create boundaries; we actually have to follow through. Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us, or makes us uncomfortable or stressed. Since they don’t know, it’s important to assertively communicate this when a boundary is crossed. Most of the time, it is just about being direct and communicating respectfully with the other person (or yourself) so that you can work it out together.

I want to point out that there is a world of difference between being assertive and being aggressive. To hold firm to healthy boundaries it’s vital to communicate those before you feel the need to become aggressive with another individual. 

Being Assertive puts forth your needs and views confidently and directly. Being assertive is simply standing up for yourself while still considering that others have different views than your own and that yours are equally important. It is becoming your own best advocate.  

Aggressive behaviors can sometimes look like you’re living the life of a Neanderthal, where the biggest club is equal to the loudest voice. I’ve noticed in my own work that sometimes aggressiveness is mistaken for strength, when in fact, aggressiveness really notes a lack of control and a lack of respect for boundaries.  

Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes practice. So, if this is something new to you, I suggest starting with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries. Build upon your success. Setting boundaries takes courage, practice and support.

If you aren’t used to setting these limits with people, it can be difficult at first. Your inner people pleaser will be screaming at the top of her lungs! That’s okay. Let her scream, and start with something small. 

Maybe you will want to start with your partner and block off an hour of time on the weekends where you do something completely for yourself and by yourself while he or she takes the responsibilities of the kids. 

Maybe it is less threatening to start with a co-worker who is often teasing you about your healthy food choices or your vegan food choices, and you simply have a conversation with that person about not appreciating the teasing and why. 

Maybe it is with your children and the amount of money you are spending on their impulse buys at the grocery store, and setting the limit before you go that you are only buying the things that are on your list and if they request something extra, you will say, “No.”

As you build confidence in this, that inner people-pleaser will stop screaming, and you can start on the bigger boundaries where you anticipate a little more push back from those around you.

– Stephanie Hamilton Aguilar, Vegan Life Coach Academy, Master Mindset Coach


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Episode 21   |   Vegan Life Coach Academy


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Boundaries (The Vegan Life Coach Podcast Episode 21)

We hear the word, “boundaries” thrown around a lot, but many people lack a clear picture of what they really are, or at least why they are important.

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In this episode we dive deep into the topic of boundaries, which are key for healthy relationships.  Healthy relationships have a balance of both togetherness and separateness.  Boundaries really just define the lines that set us apart from those in our lives.  And this is an important part of making empowered choices, both when it comes to our personal growth and daily activities as well as those choices we might make with another person. 

Something that may surprise people… Boundaries are a measure of self-worth. Our self-worth has everything to do with the way that we value ourselves. And, if we have a high self-worth, if we really value ourselves, that value is NOT contingent on the feelings others have towards us. As we value ourselves less, our self-worth diminishes, and we place a much higher value on another person’s feelings toward us. We can see this play out in our values in really five different ways:

  1. Intellectual Worth and Boundaries:  I am entitled to my thoughts and opinions just as you are entitled to yours.
  2. Emotional worth and boundaries: You are entitled to your own feelings to a given situation, as are others.
  3. Physical worth and boundaries: You are entitled to your space, however wide it may be, as are others.
  4. Social worth and boundaries: You are entitled to your own friends and to pursuing your own social activities, as are others.
  5. Spiritual worth and boundaries: You are entitled to your own spiritual beliefs, as are others.

When you break it down into these five areas, it’s really easy to see where boundaries get violated as well as where they get drawn. It’s also much more clear as to what a toxic relationship, with both yourself and others, may look like.  

When we talk about toxic relationships, this is often difficult to define. Toxic relationships are marked by a lack of personal boundaries or the inability to maintain those boundaries set. Healthy relationships have a balance of both togetherness and separateness. Boundaries really just define the lines that set us apart from those in our lives.  This is an important part of making empowered choices, both when it comes to our personal growth and daily activities, as well as those choices we might make with another person. 

We can start by creating limits on acceptable behavior from yourself as well as those around you. A healthy life is marked by good boundaries. This is because we have to create healthy boundaries in our relationships with ourselves.   

Just as you would never tell your best friend she was worthless or ugly, this is a limit I encourage you to set for yourself. The feeling of discomfort when you’ve spent way over your budget… The discomfort is a signal that you’ve crossed a personal boundary. These are healthy guidelines and limits that we set for ourselves because we have established that we have self-respect and limits to our behaviors in the relationship we have with ourselves.

Three Parts to Setting Healthy Boundaries

First, have a clear understanding of what your limits are. For this it’s important to have clarity on what your values and commitments are.  

Our limits are really an extension of our values and commitments. For example, one of my boundaries with my children is that they are not allowed to use my bathroom. I value time alone, and that became a pretty big issue when I became a mom. I set this physical boundary that has a big emotional impact for me. I know that I need a space that is mine because I need a break from the outside world, including my beloved kiddos.  

Another boundary for me is with my co-workers.  I know my tendency to be a people pleaser. I was brought up in the Midwest, and still live here today. There was no higher compliment to pay someone than to say, ”She would give you the shirt off her back,” and I know for me, I probably would. The problem came when I was fulfilling the needs of everyone, even the people at work that weren’t particularly significant in my life. I had to start saying the word, “No” to the people in my workplace.  I was able to start doing this by delegating more of the duties that were simply not mine to complete, but had fallen to me because I was simply too “nice.”

Second, it is not enough to know where your limits are. You also have to communicate and maintain those limits effectively. Knowing our boundaries and setting them are two very different hurdles to overcome. 

Setting boundaries does not always come easily. It’s often a skill that needs to be learned. As renowned psychologist Albert Bandura noted, much of human social learning comes from modeling behavior, so if we do not have adequate role models whose behavior we can encode through observation and later imitate, we are at a loss, often left fumbling and frustrated.  

Finally, we have to come to the understanding of why this is important.  I think this is the perfect phrase to define what boundaries really mean. It is ”knowing where you end and I begin.”  It is that sense that there is a separateness that makes you, you, and me, me, and that if we blurr those lines of separation, we both end up unhappy and unhealthy.

In the next episode we will be giving you the exact steps you can take to effectively implement boundaries into your life and relationships… Boundaries that can empower you to start moving through the world with more confidence, joy, peace, and freedom!

-Stephanie Hamilton Aguilar, Vegan Life Coach Academy, Master Mindset Coach


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Vegan Life Coach Academy


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Finding Your “Why” with Vegan Bodybuilder Roger Smith (Vegan Life Coach Podcast Episode 20)

Pro-bodybuilder, entrepreneur, and motivational speaker Roger Smith has 19 years as a vegan under his belt. Roger’s mission is to uplift, embrace and promote Veganism, particularly within the Latin American community.

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In this special episode, Roger and I had a blast discussing a wide range of powerful topics related to veganism and fitness. 

Roger’s positive outlook on life, his passion for being a voice for the voiceless, and dedication to making a positive impact on the lives of people is inspiring.

One of the ways he helps people make the transition to a healthy vegan lifestyle is by encouraging them to connect with their “why.” 

Getting clear on his “why” is how Roger was able to go vegan overnight himself, and how he has been able to achieve his pro bodybuilding card after winning the third bodybuilding show he had ever competed in.

Get ready for a jam-packed episode with information and motivation to help you step into your power, align your actions with your values, and achieve not only a healthy, fit body, but also a happy and meaningful life.


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Roger Smith’s Website and Links


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From Tragedy to Enlightenment with Bodybuilder Champion & Vegan Geoff Palmer

Geoff-Palmer-Vegan-Life-Coach-Podcast

Some stories are so powerful and extraordinary they must be shared. And today’s podcast guest is no exception… Vegan Geoff Palmer takes us on his journey from tragedy to enlightenment.

vegan bodybuider

A veteran vegan of 35 years, Geoff Palmer, is natural bodybuilding and physique masters champion. He’s the owner of Clean Machine, plant-based fitness nutrition, vegan patent holder, and NEXTY winner for best supplement of the year in 2016 and 2018.

Geoff is also an author, national lecturer, and was selected number 40 of the top 100 most influential vegans by plant-based news.

Geoff created the first 100% vegan bodybuilding competition in the world. And on top of that, his company, Clean Machine, donates 10% of sales every quarter to organizations that promote a plant based lifestyle. 

His accomplishments are impressive. But it is the incredible story of his journey from tragedy to enlightenment that will leave listeners inspired. 

Geoff-Palmer vegan fitnessIncluding, how & why Geoff became a vegan 35 years ago. The life events and tremendous amount of suffering that sent him looking for change.  And how from that experience, Geoff gave away his possessions, traveled to 48 countries, and the journey that led him to where he is today. 

While his story is sure to inspire, it is Geoff and my discussion about the importance of being open to the world around you, and how to release patterns in your life that hold you back that will empower you to take action in your life.

We also discuss benefits of supplements, including why they are beneficial to our diets. As well as,  the part that permaculture, biodynamic farming, and veganic farming play in it.

This is a conversation not to be missed. 

Be sure to stick around for the light-hearted, and fun, Sprint Round at the end of the episode where I ask Geoff five questions and Geoff answers with whatever comes to mind. 

Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better then when you know better, do better.” Geoff Palmer helps people both know better and then know how to do better. 


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MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

 https://cleanmachineonline.com/

https://www.facebook.com/geoff.palmer.351

https://www.instagram.com/cleanmachinefit/

[email protected]


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Top 2 Reasons Yogis are Going Vegan in 2017

yogis going vegan

It’s easy to leave our yoga practice behind on the mat, but for a truly integrative approach to health and spirituality, more and more yogis are going vegan.

Because of the belief in ahimsa, non-violence, and karma, the idea that all of our thoughts and actions have a reaction in the universe, many people of the Hindu faith have been choosing a vegetarian lifestyle for thousands of years. Today yogis are taking up this ancient practice to benefit their health and enact compassion.

The health benefits of a plant based diet can’t be denied anymore. A diet low in cholesterol, which a vegan diet naturally is, and high in fiber can do wonders for your heart health, especially when combined with yoga. If you have a family history of heart disease, a vegan diet is something you should seriously consider. Yoga teaches us to honor our bodies and be mindful of how our choices affect us. Once you become deeply in tune with your body, you’ll realize how certain foods affect you. Do you feel sluggish after eating meat for lunch? Do you break out after eating cheese? These are some questions you should ask yourself to get in touch with how meat and dairy are affecting your body.

The other main reason so many yogis choose to become vegan is because of their ethics. Yoga instills in us a sense of stewardship of the world around us. In 2017, we need to make a serious commitment to the health of our planet. Of all of the ways that we damage the environment, livestock production is one of, if not the worst way. When 1 in 10 people don’t have access to clean drinking water, it’s a hard fact to swallow that livestock productions uses 1/3rd of Earth’s fresh water, while contributing to much of its pollution. And if you’re worried about deforestation, livestock production is one of the biggest contributing factors.

Yoga encourages us to recognize our connection to all living creatures. Once we take this message into our hearts, it’s hard to accept that you are inflicting pain on another creature for your own momentary satisfaction. And it isn’t just the animals that suffer in torturous conditions. In the US, workers in the meat industry face some of the most unsafe working conditions in the country.

One of the fundamental beliefs of yoga is that our mental, physical, and spiritual health are all connected. Through yoga, we try to care for all of these aspects at once. Don’t undo the progress you made on your mat once you open your refrigerator; take your practice of mindfulness into the kitchen instead. If being a vegan isn’t for you, that’s okay! You can still spend some time thinking about what you’re eating, whether it was sustainably sourced, and what it will do to your body. Regardless of what you decide, the best way to be a good yogi at the dinner table is to feel gratitude for whatever it is you have the privilege of eating.

From Disordered Eating to Plant-Empowered Living Part 5

Young-animal-rights-activist

We ended part 4 with the question, “If you were so passionate about animal rights Ella, why weren’t you out there taking action and protesting?”

To answer, we have to take it back to my middle and high school years. As I kept uncovering the reality of abuse taking place behind the closed doors of not only factory farms, but also science labs, zoos, and circuses, I found more and more ways to speak out for the rights of animals. As I learned the horrific practices of the fur industry, and the merciless methods for testing the safety of laundry detergent, shampoo, and mascara, I set out on a mission to expose the systemic savagery to the masses. [If you haven’t read parts 14 of my journey, start from the beginning of my journey from disordered eating to plant-empowered living.]

Ella and Max

You see, in my young mind, I thought that surely if people only knew what was taking place, they would “see the light” and stop supporting the brutality in the name of a meal, a coat, lipstick, or an evening of entertainment. With that logic in mind, I became heavily involved in the animal rights scene. In fact, I was a leader for our local animal rights group. Before I had a license to drive I was organizing protests and leafletting all over town. I was tireless in my quest to be a voice for the voiceless.

What blows my mind today is thinking about the actions I took despite being a painfully shy person. To give you an idea, when I was five years old, my parents would role play with me so that I could practice saying hello to people they introduced me to (my natural reaction was to run and hide). Yet when it came to standing up for my belief in the rights of animals I was fearless.

I didn’t hesitate to organize demonstrations on the streets of Chapel Hill where I would sit inside tiny cages, displaying the cramped conditions of chickens. Chickens who had so little room to move that their feet would grow around the wires of the cage, and whose beaks were chopped off without anesthesia so that they wouldn’t peck each other to death from the stress of their conditions. I never had a second thought about standing on the side of the road, holding signs and chanting in protest of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus. I led campaigns urging L’Oreal and Revlon to stop testing on animals (I would wear anti-L’Oreal buttons to middle school every day and passed out pamphlets to all my classmates and teachers). I traveled to Pennsylvania for an annual pigeon shoot event, where we ran out into the line of fire in the fields in protest of the mass killing.

Bill Rosenberg Award

Bill Rosenberg Award for Animal Liberation

So my answer to the question, “Why weren’t you out there taking action and protesting?”… I was! In fact I even won the Bill Rosenberg Award when I was 16. This award is given each year by the Farm Animal Reform Movement (FARM) to “people under the age of 18 who have made outstanding contributions to farm animal liberation.”

Now I don’t want you to get the idea that I was this young animal rights activist who missed out on her childhood. As a kid I was a competitive swimmer and gymnast and had a great group of athletic friends

Ella Magersas a Teen

I was also your typical teenager in many ways. I went through the awkward adolescent phase like most everyone.  I dyed my hair, dark, gave my parents one-word answers, broke curfew, drank Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, and went to math class high (what can I say… math was right after lunch!) I met this drug dealer who gave me his brand new, decked out red Jeep Wrangler to drive around for over a year on the condition that I would pick him up and “drive him around” on occasion. (I was sure I could fool the authorities by playing dumb if we ever got stopped.)

Ella Prom

When I quit the volleyball team in 10th grade my relationship with my mom disintegrated with my new pothead status. Before I tell you more about that though, it will help if I give you a little background about my family…I was born in Pittsboro, NC and spent the first four years of my life living in a little log cabin in the woods. I was even potty trained in an outhouse, can you believe it?

My mom was the director of a preschool and my dad was a self-employed stone mason. My older sister, ten years my elder, suffered from mental illness and began self-medicating with drugs when she was just 10 years old. I have few memories of her during my youth, as she spent quite a bit of time in hospitals when she was not running away from home.

When my mom got pregnant with my younger sister, my parents decided it was time to move to Chapel Hill for the quality school system. My dad got a stable job at UNC and I got a real working toilet! I couldn’t be more thankful to have been blessed with two of the most loving, supportive parents imaginable. I mean seriously, when I said, “I’m never eating animals again” at the age of seven for example, they didn’t try to talk me out of it even once they realized it was not a “phase”, that I really wasn’t going to ever eat meat again. Big time parenting brownie points!

Young Ella Magers

My parents divorced when I was fourteen. They held their marriage together as long as they could. I was SO ready for them to separate at that point. For a period of time they tried to figure out how to turn our attic into a separate room with a separate entrance for my dad. Needless to say, it was a relief when we all sat down for “the talk”. Not to say it wasn’t tough. Divorce is never easy, but it was clearly the right move.

Family of Ella Magers

Getting back to the collapse of my relationship with my mom… She was understandably intolerant to drug use in her home due to the struggles of my sister. Being a teenager, I was sure I was immune to addiction and was convinced I could party without negative consequences. Being the strong-willed, determined individual I’ve always been, when my mom gave me the ultimatum of stopping using or leaving her house, I bet you can guess what I chose.Rebel Ella

Moving in with my dad gave me more freedom. He was apt to give me the benefit of the doubt in most situations which worked out for a while. I did not appreciate my dad back then as I do today. Eventually though, I grew up a bit, missed my mom, put my big girl panties on to work things out and move back in. A new beginning that eventually led to the place we’re in today, where I can honestly say my mom is my best friend. And as for my dad, I not only appreciate him today, but I’m also inspired by him and his journey down the path of embodying zen principles to the extent that he now volunteers teaching meditation to death row inmates!

I strongly believe that the strong foundation of unconditional love from my parents and my extreme devotion to animal liberation has saved me from spiraling out of control countless times over the years…

How so? Find out in Part 6!

From Disordered Eating to Plant-Empowered Living: Part 4

South-Beach-Culture

Part 3 of my journey left off when I was somewhere around 26 or 27 years old, managing the Flamingo Athletic Club, living it up in South Beach with my Muay Thai crew, while struggling behind closed doors with disordered eating cycles, depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, and insomnia…

Boating Fun

When I put my situation out there like that you’d think I was miserable! But again, when I think back to those days a huge smile takes over my face. In the midst of inner turmoil, I just had SO MUCH FUN! As they say, I am happy I went all out and “got it out of my system” at an “appropriate” age. This could not be said for everyone.

Fast forward to today, when I was chatting with my mom about how I was able to stay grounded in the midst of the craziness. She said to me, “It’s because being vegan is who you are. No matter what you’ve been through, or how easy it can be to get caught up in “the scene”, your foundation as a vegan overpowers all else, and it’s what you have and always will go back to as your rock.” Moms know best!

Somewhere in the mix I had formed a second set of friends from the other gym I trained at. For the longest time I scoffed at most fitness classes where they used light weights and did tons of reps. I believed strongly in the effectiveness of heavy weight training… It went well with my “tough persona”. I actually felt embarrassed at the thought of trying out a class. I kept hearing about this one teacher, Lani, who had a huge following made up of such a diverse fan base that I finally had to check it out.

I hid in the back of the class and we started by doing overhead presses, to the beat of the music, for an entire song without dropping your arms. I was horrified… Everyone else seemed to be getting through it relatively easily. They were having a blast, and I couldn’t make it all the way through the song with THREE pound weights!

This experience hit my “I can do anything” nerve, and that was it. I was addicted to the class and Lani became my fitness idol. I was tough, but Lani was an alpha, ten years older, skilled trainer, super strong, and ironman finisher with self-confidence like no other.

Thanks to Lani my exercise regiment morphed into more of a functional training-based routine. Becoming functionally strong was both humbling and exhilarating. In case you aren’t familiar, functional exercises are ones that translate to movements of daily living. A squat is the perfect example of a functional exercise. How many times a day do we sit down and stand up? That’s a squat! Whereas a leg press, leg extension, or hamstring curl machine have no place in “real life”.

I also found myself oddly attracted to Lani on multiple levels. I looked up to her and admired her skill and confidence, and it morphed into what one might call a “girl crush”. It’s funny because with my Muay Thai crew, we would go out, and I would be, what my one guy friend called, “chick bait.” This meant that I would go over and start talking to hot girls. Then, my guy friends would come by and I would introduce them. On occasion the girls would end up hitting on me though, which, as you can imagine, would really piss my friends off (I thought it was hilarious)!

Ella Night Out

I was a wild, happy drunk. On crazier nights I would make out with girl-friends for fun, which would usually result in free drinks. I wasn’t sexually attracted to women on an intimate level. Kissing and playing around with other girls as part of a night out was simply part of the erotic South Beach culture. It was just fun!

With Lani it felt different though. I think it was in large part because she had such intense male energy. I started working my way up to the front of her classes. You see, she had such an intense group of followers in her class that everyone had “their spot,” and fights would literally break out when someone tried to take someone else’s spot (I’m not exaggerating!)

It took some time and a calculated strategy, but I eventually made it to the front row of class and established my own spot. Lani took notice of me. When she invited me to her birthday, I got butterflies in my stomach, something I hadn’t felt since I met my fiance years back. Lani’s birthday party marked the start of what would become a tight and complicated friendship. Attending the party also opened me up to a whole new world of people and experiences in South Beach. I could write a whole book on this chapter of my story, and maybe I will, but I will save that story for another day.

I haven’t mentioned it, but the whole time I was managing the Flamingo, I was also fitness modeling, doing personal training, and offering my services as a wellness coach who also helped people with diet. Keep in mind that many people were unsure of what vegan even meant at that time.

fitness-modelingI continued to spread the good word by maintaining a strong, lean body. Why did this work? Because women would just see me and say, “I want to look like you… How do you do it?” To which I would reply, “I’m vegan!” This would get some people veg-curious and open to learning more, while others would immediately feel threatened and write me off. Men would ask too, either because they were genuinely curious, or as a way to hit on me. It didn’t matter to me. If I got an opening to talk about being vegan, I took it.

It’s funny, because I barely remember actually training people. Why? I think it’s because people hired me because I had a body they admired. They wanted to build a strong, toned body, and they were willing to workout hard for an hour a day for it.

While they were quick to take my exercise advice, they generally had no interest in changing the way they were eating or even consider moving in the direction of a plant-based diet. My work with them therefore felt superficial. It was a temporary fix. “You can’t outrun your fork” I would relay to deaf ears. I therefore felt resentful that my work started and ended with telling people what exercises to do, counting reps, and throwing out motivating words. This job did not feel satisfying in the least.

You may be asking, “If you were so passionate about animal rights why weren’t you out there taking action and protesting?” Great question. And there is an intriguing answer coming up in Part 5!

From Disordered Eating to Plant-Empowered Living: Part 3

Vegan Body-Dysmorphia

I’ll start by setting the scene (where we left off from Disordered Eating to Plant-Empowered Living: Part 2)…

I was in my mid twenties, and if you had asked me back then, “Who are you, Ella?” I probably would have replied, “I’m an ethical vegan number one, and secondly I’m into vegan fitness. I run the show at the Flamingo Athletic Club, managing employees, payroll, class scheduling, and the personal training program. I’m a vegan trainer myself, and spend a lot of my time practicing Muay Thai with my MMA crew and working out. I’m single and have an awesome group of bad ass friends who I go out with and party hard. I’m “living the life” in South Beach!”vegan party girl

What I wouldn’t have told you though, was that I had an underlying yearning to be doing more for animals then just living by example as a vegan (I was the only vegan that I knew at the time). This feeling that I was not living and working my true passion triggered subconscious angst as well as a constant feeling of being unfulfilled.

At the same time, there was a part of me that knew my time to make a significant difference as a passionate vegan was coming. Although the vast majority of people had no interest in going vegan (in fact, many didn’t even know what it meant to be vegan), and very little interest in keeping an open mind to understand the benefits. I continued being vocal about my choice to be a vegan, and put tons of pressure on myself to do everything I could to prove you could be fit, healthy, and strong on plants alone. That was, at the time, the best way I could help bring veganism into the mainstream.

I also would have neglected to mention I had been struggling with chronic depression and anxiety since my teenage years. I wouldn’t have told you that I walked around all day, every day, feeling fat jiggle all over my body, and seeing love handles when I looked in the mirror (keep in mind my body fat stayed well below 10%). I knew logically that I was lean. My BMI was super low and tons of people were asking me daily how I stayed so lean. The logic, unfortunately, did not translate to how I experienced my body.

vegan fun with friendsIn addition, because of the pressure I was putting on myself to be perfect, and the body dysmorphia, I was carefully measuring and monitoring my food intake 90% of the time. Surrounded by protein-obsessed “meat-heads” and personal trainer know-it-alls, I wanted to prove you could get plenty of protein from plants. I had developed what I now call “carb-phobia” and focused on packing in the vegan protein. The other 10% of the time, as a result of the food restricting, I would give in to temptation and binge on vegan food. I remember eating an entire jar of peanut butter one night! And of course binging triggers intense feelings of guilt, shame, and so the cycle continued and I’d be back to restricting to make up for the binging.

Another issue I was facing was that I had developed insomnia over the previous few years. The condition had been getting worse and worse until it got to the point I could never fall asleep without the use of either self-prescribed drugs and alcohol, or hard core sleeping meds the doctor prescribed.vegan mma fighter

The insomnia was, I now believe, caused in part by hormone imbalances that I was creating by my eating and exercise habits, and in part by the stress caused by the pressure i was putting on myself. Stress increases cortisol levels… It’s supposed to. But extra cortisol production is meant to occur in short bursts during times of extreme stress. I had created a system in which I was basically stressed and anxious all the time which created chronically high cortisol levels.

My insomnia was aggrevated by the chronic hightened cortisol. Cortisol levels are supposed to drop in the evening to allow you to fall asleep. When cortisol drops, production of melatonin increases to also help you maintain a regluar sleep cycle. I had destroyed this intricate system. I knew I was in trouble when I decided to experiment and see how long it would take me to get some sleep without the help of meds… 8 days later I was such a zombie I gave up, and I do NOT give up on anything easily!

Looking back, it seems like somewhat of a miracle that I was functioning at all, much less enjoying life. But the truth is, that despite the inner turmoil, I still see those years in my 20s as incredible and unregretable. I was free to explore ME, on my own. As many “issues” as I had, I felt fortunate to be where I was, having started off my life in South Beach with a bad break-up that left me homeless and jobless with only a suitcase to my name!

Muay Thai Vegan Practitioner

The positives: Since moving to Miami I had found another passion (Muay Thai), worked my way up the ladder to a decent job that afforded me a decent apartment, formed several different groups of kick ass friends, taken full advantage of the SoBe party scene, and explored different layers of me as a human being. 

The not-so-positives: I had developed disordered eating habits and body dysmorphia that felt all-consuming at times. I had horrible insomia and couldn’t sleep without drugs and/or alcohol. I was dealing with depression, anxiety, and an overall feeling of unfulfillment. I used Muay Thai as my sole form of “therapy” which meant I felt I was “tough” enough to handle what was going on inside me without sharing.

Can you believe it took me over 12 years to “come out” and talk about my struggles? Being the seriously determined individual I am though, I did not sit by idyl, allowing my life to spin out of control. I’m a problem-solver, and I had quite a number of problems I wanted to solve.

Behind my persistence was a primal drive to be the best person I could be. I had a mission that was far from being fulfilled. I just needed to take care of ME first, so that I could put all my energy into saving animals…

To be continued!

From Disordered Eating to Plant-Empowered Living: Part 2

Ella-Body-Dysmorpia

Part 2 of my journey starts in my college years, where the diet mentality kicks in and disordered eating starts to snowball out of control…

Part 2: Journey into Diet La-La Land

[If you haven’t read PART 1 of my multi-part “From Disordered Eating to Empowered Living” series, I invite you to start there.] During my senior year in college at UNC-Wilmington, I became addicted to exercise and ephedra… What a combo! I would take “Diet Fuel” pills and get all my studying done while doing cardio at the local Gold’s Gym.Me at Gold's Gym college years

It was at that gym that I met my later-to-be fiance. Unlike the other boyfriends I had during college, Brent had his shit together. He was several years older than me and owned a gym consulting company. When I graduated, I started working with Brent. Life and gym became synonymous. We would travel to different gyms for 3 months at a time doing consulting work and membership drives.

Ella and Brent

Having an awesome body is the best advertising for anyone working in the fitness industry. Knowing that, I started taking my workouts to the next level. As my workouts became more intense, I started experimenting with my food intake.

Being an ethical vegan, there was never a thought of eating anything but plants, but there were plenty of ways to create dietary “rules” even as a vegan. Vegan protein shakes, consuming tons of soy and legumes, and cutting out grains was do-able. In the tradition of the fitness buff persona, I experimented with being super strict 6 days, and allowing myself one “cheat day” per week. This is a totally “normal” dietary routine for bodybuilders, figure, and fitness competitors, Even though I wasn’t competing at the time, my desire for the “perfect body” was becoming stronger.

My lifestyle supported my obsession with diet and exercise, so I did not look at my habits as problematic. Everyone else was doing it (in their omnivore way) and I felt I fit in. It’s funny because I had spent the previous 8 years emphatic about NOT getting married. All of a sudden though, my life had become so enmeshed with my boyfriend’s and with our work, I started to think marriage wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Ella Disordered Eating Image

So Brent and I ended up getting engaged, and moving to Miami to open up a new line of women’s health clubs. It didn’t take long for shit to hit the fan… but that’s a juicy story for a different day. Let’s just say we split on bad terms and I all of a sudden found myself in the heart of South Beach without a job and with literally a suitcase to my name.

What came next seems like a whirlwind looking back. Setting the scene, let’s take it back 20 years… I was a 2-year old who was so determined I fought to put on my own diapers. When I was 6, I gave a strong case as to why I should be allowed to drive a car. Needless to say, no matter how upset I was about the break-up, there was no way I was bailing on Miami to take refuse back home in North Carolina.

Long story short, I crashed on my friend’s couch in the huge condo “commune” called the Flamingo in South Beach. Thousands of people lived in this community, ranging from professionals to drug dealers and porn stars. If you ask anyone who has been in Miami Beach for a long time, chances are they started out at the Flamingo. It was in a perfect location right on the bay, with pools, docks, markets, and a super nice gym. So I finagled my way into a job at the gym, starting as a front desk attendant and quickly moving up the chain until I landed the Fitness Director position, pretty much running the show!Muay Thai Vegan Practitioner

During that time I also caught the attention of an MMA world champ, Pat, who was teaching classes at the gym. It was like he could see right through me. No matter what tough front I put on, he saw my emotional weakness and took me under his wing as my Muay Thai coach.

vegan muay thai shins

Pat’s teaching methods were unconventional, though I wasn’t really aware at the time. You see, he didn’t believe in sparring gear. He believed in learning to block punches  and kicks by being punched and kicked enough that blocking became a reflex pretty damn quickly! If you know Muay Thai though, you know that shin on shin blocking is no fun for either party. I took to the training quickly. No amount of physical pain could compete with the emotional pain I was in. Muay Thai became my form of moving meditation. When sparring, I had no choice but to be present in the moment. If my mind wandered, I paid for it! Needless to say it did not wander much after the first few weeks.

Muay Thai Crew

For the first time since high school, I had discovered a sport I could practice with a group of passionate people who became a family to me. In many ways, the next several years of my life were the most exhilarating years of my life. Hangin’ with a group of fighters who ruled South Beach… how could it not? We partied it up and trained hard core. I practically lived at the gym (I had rented a studio at the Flamingo as soon as I had the money).

Vegan party girl

As incredible as those years were, there was a dark side to my life I was not apt to share with anyone. I had taken the feeling of being powerless over my break-up, and found a sense of control through food and exercise. I was working out like crazy between the Muay Thai, classes at Crunch gym, weight lifting, and cardio.

The purpose of the cardio at that time was to burn calories. I wanted to be leaner, but couldn’t see how l  lean I already was. I looked in the mirror and saw fat that simply wasn’t there. I was happiest when my stomach was empty and flat. I measured my oatmeal, set timers to let me know when I was “allowed” to eat, and picked at salads when going out to eat.

Looking back, I qualify myself as experiencing body dysmorphia and disordered eating at that time because my thoughts and anxiety around my body and food felt all-consuming. Whether or not I would have been officially diagnosed as having an eating disorder or body dysmorphic disorder I don’t know because I was not sharing what was going on in my head… And really, who cares. I have no desire to be labeled. It was what it was and, spoiler alert, there’s ultimately a happy end to this story!

Young Fitness Model

At one point I decided to play a game with myself to see if I could drop below 100 pounds. Now that you know more about me, you can probably guess… I won! I remember getting on the scale, seeing 99 pounds, and feeling proud of my achievement. How I was able to maintain a body fat percentage that couldn’t even be measured with calipers, and workout as hard as i did, I really have no idea. But again, leave it to me to prove I could defy the odds!

On that note, I am going to press pause on my story. Part 3 is coming soon, so stay tuned! (If you want to be notified when I publish my posts make sure to sign up to receive my newsletter.)