I was reminded this past week that the Universe often gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want… and I’m doing my best to embrace that reality after what happened last Saturday.

It was my first full day in Tulum, Mexico.

I had traveled there to spend time with my dear friend, Allison Melody (host of the Food Heals podcast), with plans for a week full of both work and play.

The play I was most looking forward to? Training at a badass outdoor Muay Thai gym.👊

It’s been 8 months since I had ACL reconstruction surgery, and I was heading into this trip feeling strong, mobile, and ready to—what they say in physical therapy—“return to sport.”

I brought all my gear… wraps, gloves, shin guards, mouthpiece… with the intention of training at Revolution Muay Thai daily.

I was also excited to dive into yoga (Tulum has no shortage of gorgeous studios), and to continue my taiji practice in the magical outdoor spaces there.

But the Universe had different plans.

I noticed that the only class available at Revolution that Saturday was a sparring class.

I debated.

This would be my first time sparring Muay Thai again since surgery.

Ideally, I’d ease back in with a skills-based class—bag work, light partner drills. But I was so eager, so excited to be back in my element, that I decided to go for it.

Saturday morning, I arrived at the gym and was greeted with a warm welcome from Magnus, the owner and head coach, and a crew of incredibly talented fighters. After warming up, it was time to spar.

Fourth round. I was paired with a highly skilled woman—the only other female there.

I threw a kick with my right leg. She caught it.

As I pulled away, my body turned—and my standing knee (yep, the surgical one) twisted.

POP.💥

I hit the ground, writhing in pain, yelling “Fck, fck, f*ck”—because the moment mirrored what happened the first time I tore my ACL sparring in Miami.
Only this time I caught it on camera.

After the shock and pain subsided, I waited for the class to be over and Magnus graciously gave me a ride back to my Airbnb.

I of course had waves of emotion the rest of the day—conversations with myself, challenging thoughts of regret, doing my best not to spiral into self-blame.

What’s wild is that in the mastermind I’m currently leading for past clients, our mindset theme of the month is “Positive Thinking” (I actually recommended the episode “Positive Thinking My Ass” from the Vegan Life Coach Podcast to them—it’s a good one 😉).

There’s such a fascinating dance between toxic positivity, the idea that we create our reality with our thoughts and energy, and the power of simply allowing ourselves the full human experience—including the so-called “negative” emotions.

(I’ve written about this topic a lot on my blog if you want to dive deeper.)

For me, what’s been most healing in moments like this is embracing the mantra:

“The goal is not to feel better—it’s to get better at feeling.”

And so, after some internal pep talks, chats with Fred, my mom, and trusted friends, and breathing through disappointment, I made the call to head back to Miami early and get an MRI.

I’m admittedly bracing for the worst (my intuition says my ACL is re-torn) while being open to the possibility that it’s more minor than that.

I’m also already exploring ideas about how I can make the most of this injury, like creating special yoga, strength, and mobility classes online for people who are dealing with knee injuries.

More updates to come!

AND

I still was able to have some fun with Allison in the days following the incident. Here are some pics…

I’ll leave you with this…

Whether it’s an injury, a breakup, a setback in your health journey, or a moment that leaves you on the floor (literally or metaphorically), one of the most empowering things we can do is allow it all to be there.

We live in a world that often tells us it has to be either/or…

Either you’re strong, or you’re struggling.
Either you’re grateful, or you’re grieving.
Either you’re positive, or you’re pessimistic.

But the truth is—and this is something I come back to again and again on my healing journey—it’s not either/or. It’s both/and.

You can be deeply disappointed and profoundly grateful.
You can feel sadness and still embody peace.
You can grieve the setback and trust the process.
You can fall apart and stay grounded in your worth.

This is the paradox of being human. And it’s also where the magic lives.

As Tara Brach says, “Radical acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is.” It’s not about fixing or escaping what we feel. It’s about expanding our capacity to hold it all—with compassion, curiosity, and presence.

Ram Dass puts it beautifully too: “Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.”

So if you’re navigating your own version of a pop💥… I invite you to breathe into the AND.

Let your joy and pain coexist. Let your strength and softness dance together. Let your inner warrior cry and keep showing up with an open heart.

And know this: I’m right here with you, doing the same.

With fierce compassion and a whole lotta love,
Ella 💗

P.S. If you’re not following me on Instagram, you can find more pics and videos of my experiences there.