Why Self-Love is the Ultimate Gift to the World

My yoga teacher instructed the class to give yourself a big hug and say, “I love me!” the other day. Most people in the class giggled, a few people rolled their eyes, and a couple others took the request very seriously. What would you have done?

I was a giggler. A few years ago I would have laughed it off completely. Even though I giggled this time, I didn’t brush it off. All I could think about was the transformational power of self-love, as demonstrated by countless clients whose lives have been forever changed by the teaching we are now doing at Vegan Life Coach Academy.

For me, overcoming shame by learning to love myself unconditionally was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done (it only took me 35 years ;)). It was also the most empowering thing I’ve ever accomplished. There is simply NO WAY anyone can even come close to reaching their true potential and living a meaningful life without having unconditional love for oneself.

At some point in my teenage years I created the story that I was not enough. Who I was and what I was capable of would never be good enough. I hid behind my strong conviction for saving animals.

For well over a decade I suffered in silence. My passion for veganism was what got me out of bed every morning. Understanding my purpose on this earth, to fight for the rights of animals, kept me going day in and day out despite the depression, anxiety, disordered eating, distorted body image, and insomnia I was experiencing.

Although I knew logically what was going on, (I had my Master’s Degree in Social Work and recognized the shame) I could not for the life of me figure out how to truly love myself.

What I didn’t realize was the amount of courage it was going to take to heal. Why courage? As Brene Brown says, “The antidote to shame is vulnerability,” and when I finally was able to figure out how to share my story, without being attached to the outcome (other people’s opinions), I was able to finally take my power back.

Wondering how this relates to veganism, fitness, and the holidays? I’ll tell you!

First of all, veganism is all about acting according to your values, and as I teach in the Coaching Program, this requires you to be able to make conscious and mindful choices about what you eat and how you live. It is impossible to consistently make the choices that will serve you best if you don’t love yourself. When I say “serve you best” I mean physically, mentally, AND emotionally.

When it comes to fitness, at the Vegan Life Coach Academy we talk about exercising because you love your body, not because you hate it. And how do you expect to love your body, no matter what shape you’re in, if you don’t love yourself as a whole being?

Last, the holidays are a time to spread love generously. Only when we love and take care of ourselves can we truly love and take care of others. It’s that simple. You can’t give away what you don’t have.

I encourage you to give yourself the most life-changing gift you could ever receive this year… the gift of self-love. Rest assured that your self-love will also be a gift to everyone around you as well.

If this resonates with you, and you’re ready to do the work it takes to learn how to eat, move, and live in a way that will bring you not only health and happiness, but also a meaningful life, I encourage you to check out our new Visionaries Membership. We help our members face the blocks that are keeping them stuck and the hurdles that are standing in their way in order to put a game plan together for them to move powerfully forward in your life. There is never a “right” or “convenient” time to dive into this tough, transformational work, so why wait? Let’s do this!!

Beyond Survival… How to Thrive As a Vegan Over the Holidays

Wouldn’t it be fantastic if the holiday season was a time when you were able to simply focus on spreading love, experiencing joy, and spending valuable time with family? How incredible would it feel to be free from all the extra pressure you put on yourself to make sure everyone else is happy? What would it mean to you to be free from secretly stressing about how you’re going to avoid splurging too much and gaining that extra weight you seem to pack on before heading into every New Year (when you plan to have a “fresh start” of course)?

As I mentioned in my last blog post, the holidays used to be an incredibly stressful time for me due to my struggles with disordered eating and a distorted body image. If that’s a struggle for you too, check out last week’s post as well as the Facebook Live event we did in the Empowered Vegan Life Facebook Group.

The focus of this post is on the other stressor that many of our Plant-Empowered Coaching Program clients also face… Being vegan around critical relatives who just don’t get it.   

I’ve got great news for you!  I’m here to help you write a new story for your holiday this year.

It’s important to first understand that you have no control over how other people think, feel, or act. Therefore, you must let go of trying to change anyone else and focus on “doing you!”

This year, instead of apologizing for being “difficult,” I encourage you to be proud and confident about your decision to go vegan. Don’t play small and hide.

Think about it… By acting (eating) in line with your values you’re setting an incredible example for those you love, no matter how hard a time they give you. I invite you to be unattached to the outcomes and simply shine your light on those around you. Then, instead of jumping to conclusions, sit back and observe what happens with curiosity and compassion (which is also how our clients learn to approach THEMSELVES)!

Choosing a mantra or two to say to yourself every time someone is critical or pushes your buttons can really help. Some of my favorites are:

“No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.”

“They are doing the best they can with what they have.”

“The only approval I need is my own.”

“What they say is a reflection of them, not me.

”I choose to courageously speak my truth with love.”

Will this be uncomfortable at first? Yes! Do it anyway! Head to your gathering without expectations. Bring a vegan dish or two to share. Focus on the precious time with your family instead of focusing on the food and eating. All too often we don’t consider that time with family precious until those people have passed. Living in gratitude makes all the difference in the world.

Basically, consciously using the holiday as an opportunity to work on YOURSELF is key to continue powerfully down the path to not only a health and happy life, but also a meaningful life.

Diaries of a Dating Vegan (Me)!

Vegan Dating

Until a couple months ago I had been on a dating hiatus, putting all my vibrant vegan energy into my incredibly rewarding work transforming lives with the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program.

In fact, my last relationship ended over three years ago! 

Looking back, was I disappointed when we broke up? Yes. Was it a shock? Not at all.

Although there were multiple factors that led up to the split, ultimately, at the root, there was such a huge difference in core values that my growth as a human being was being stifled.

I don’t play the blame game. I take full responsibility for the consequences of staying in a toxic relationship for many years. Now, over three years later, however, I am able to approach myself and my past with curiosity and compassion instead of contempt and ridicule.

Being so clear on the value I place on the well-being of animals since I was seven years old is something I am eternally grateful for. At the same time, having my identity be so connected to veganism, starting long before the average person even knew what the word vegan meant, has made dating and relationships especially challenging.

On November 11th, 2018, for the first time in my life, I realized how vital it is that I build a long-term relationship with someone who, quite simply, gives a shit, someone who feels compelled to make choices based on love and compassion, instead of hate and fear, someone who opens their heart and mind and thinks for themselves instead of taking what they’re taught by society as “the way it is,” someone who respects and values ALL life and the planet as a whole, someone who is driven to live a meaningful life in abundance instead of making decisions from a place of greed and scarcity. This also means supporting leaders who care about giving a voice to the voiceless and protecting our environment, instead of choosing to have tunnel vision and voting with his wallet.

I was at the Yard House in South Beach for Sunday Funday football, sitting at a table with the guy I was dating and a guy friend that I’m not close with. I won’t go into many details, but here’s the gist of what went down. The boys started talking, and when it turned political, I sat quietly listening. I also sat quietly as they covered the topic of plant-based eating. I found it interesting that not one time was I asked my opinion or for input, despite being the obvious expert on plant-based diets. For the most part I just wanted to listen anyway, though I couldn’t help but to jump in a few times. 

As surprised as I was to hear my friend ask for my date’s political views (we’ve never talked politics on Sunday Funday before), I was equally as grateful to be able to listen to the conversation, and here’s what I learned throughout their conversation. 

My date votes with his wallet above all else, above human rights, environmental protection, and certainly above animal welfare. I learned that he finds the current political situation somewhat “entertaining”. I learned that bringing him to numerous powerful vegan events during the Seed Food and Wine Festival that week, introducing him to my amazing world-renowned network of vegan health, wellness, and fitness professionals, had so little impact that it wasn’t even worth mentioning in a relevant discussion. I even learned that a qualified woman sports reporter is only worthy of announcing if she’s young and pretty.

It only took a few minutes after they started talking to develop a knot in my stomach and to feel all of a sudden very alone and deflated. As I looked around, understanding that I was likely the only vegan in the entire restaurant, and feeling completely disconnected from my date, I had a number of realizations.

Growing up as the only vegetarian in elementary and middle school, and the only vegan in high school and college, I had a hard time creating close relationships with others. It was me with my view of animals and the planet, versus everyone else and their view. I didn’t think about my difficulty connecting in that way though. Instead, I just assumed that there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t seem to form close relationships with many people.

On November 11, after telling my friend and head mindset coach in my Plant-Empowered Coaching Program Stephanie about my experience that Sunday, she wrote the most insightful words of wisdom.

She wrote,

“I think you’ve hit on something huge in terms of giving yourself a hard time. You connect easily with others, but in all honesty, you are a revolutionary with a big part in creating and forging a new world and way of living. You are so courageous to be doing that while not hiding exclusively in that community that is not yet mainstream. I know it’s not easy, my beautiful friend.”

Stephanie made such a powerful point… To a large degree I have always kept myself smack dab in the middle of the mainstream world, having mostly mainstream friends and boyfriends, and doing mainstream activities (like practicing Thai boxing and watching football). I’ve always seen it as part of my life’s work, to live my truth and inspire others to open their hearts and minds so that they too can live theirs. If I surrounded myself with people who have the same perspective, what good would I be doing the world?

That being said, I realize now that having a boyfriend who sees the world similarly to the majority of the population will inherently prevent us from developing the intimacy I am seeking with a life partner.

My date asked me the other day, “How do you travel as a vegan?” I now realize that I want a partner who will see vegan travel as an exciting opportunity to explore other countries and cultures, instead of being an annoyance or inconvenience.

There is a worthiness issue that arises here. I battled with shame the majority of my life. Shame is routed in limiting beliefs, the main one being, “I am not enough.” I have been moving through the world believing I am unworthy of a partner who facilitates my growth, a partner who brings a sense of freedom, peace, light, meaning, and joy to my life, a partner who feels I add those same things to his life. Well that changes now. I am worthy of true love and connection on a deep spiritual level, and I am putting this new energy out into the universe starting right now!

Why I Chose “Sexy Fit Vegan®”

I’ve been getting some push-back on the name of my brand recently. With comments on my Facebook posts like, “Why sexy?” and “Your a fraud, just trying to use sex to make money!”

I’d like to take a moment to address this criticism…

Many of you already aware that I knew from the age of 7 that my purpose in life is to save animals by spreading awareness about the cruelty that takes place behind the closed doors of factory farms. As a child, I thought, “If only people knew, they would surely quit eating animals!” I soon realized that it was, unfortunately, a bit more complicated than that.

I started to understand that people have been conditioned from birth to believe dogs are worthy of our love, while pigs are meant to be tortured, killed and consumed. Cats are worthy of sleeping in bed with us, while cows deserve to have their throats slit so we can eat their flesh. Dolphins are beautiful, to be ooh-ed and ah-ed at, while tuna are meant to be captured, canned, and consumed.

I also came to understand that many people do not WANT to know. Why? “Ignorance is bliss” right? Once you know you can’t not know. You no longer have the “excuse” of ignorance and must take responsibility for your choices. 

I created my brand, Sexy Fit Vegan®, in 2013, when the truth about animal agriculture (both the ethical and health aspects) started being covered in the mainstream media. The information I had been sharing with people for years, was finally being exposed in ways that could not be ignored.

The mission of my brand was clear. Bring veganism into the mainstream. So yes, my thought was, “What can I name my brand that will get people’s attention?”

The word “sexy” catches people’s eye. It does draw people’s attention, probably more than any other word in the English language. Given that catching people’s attention was my goal… Sexy Fit Vegan® it was! I was beyond excited to start building my life and work around what I’m most passionate about… veganism.

I did think about what the word “sexy” meant to me before choosing it. I’ve always considered myself a feminist. I had a mom who taught me that I could do anything I put my mind to. I’m grateful that my parents gave me the space and support I needed to figure out what was important to me.

When choosing my brand name, I thought, “What happens when I’m older? Will I no longer be a sexy fit vegan?” I quickly answered myself, “Hell yeah, I’ll be a sexy fit vegan until the day I die!” Here’s why…

True sexiness is a matter of how you feel in your own skin. It has nothing to do with other people’s opinions about your appearance. Feeling sexy starts from within.

I thought about how amazing it feels to align your actions with your true values. I considered how powerful it feels to move through the world fight for what you believe in. For me, that was a fight for the end of animal exploitation. Now THAT feels sexy to me!

Not to mention the fact that we’re human beings, and sex is a part of life. It’s part of our identity. Sex is not something to feel shameful about. So why is the word “sexy” sexist? It’s not! There is nothing wrong with striving to feel sexy!

I love what my friend and Plant-Empowered Coach, Stephanie said as we were discussing this topic. “I think it’s time that women embrace that their sexual energy is a part of their wholeness. It’s time to own the fact that being an empowered female is inherently sexual.” Males are certainly proud of their sexual energy… Why should females not be proud of theirs?

Feeling sexy is not only okay, it’s liberating!

That being said (full disclosure here), my immediate reaction to those who criticized me for using the word “sexy” in my brand, without bothering to get to know me and what I’m all about, was “F**k you!  I’ve been vegan for 24 years and have worked my whole life to make a positive impact in this world.

I use a tool I teach in the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program we call “the power of the pause” to take a step back, observe that F-You thought, and recognize that it will not contribute to my cause in any positive or productive way. Hence why I’m writing and sharing this instead!

I’ve learned that part of being a leader is having critics (a.k.a haters), and part of being a good leader is accepting that some people simply aren’t going to “get it,” and that’s okay!

My entire life is focused on empowering women with the tools they need to love themselves, overcome shame, live according to their values, and build a meaningful life, through my 6-Month Plant-Empowered Coaching Program.

A meaningful life involves using your strengths and skills to make a positive impact in this world, and there is nothing sexier than that!

From Disordered Eating to Plant-Empowered Living Part 5

Young-animal-rights-activist

We ended part 4 with the question, “If you were so passionate about animal rights Ella, why weren’t you out there taking action and protesting?”

To answer, we have to take it back to my middle and high school years. As I kept uncovering the reality of abuse taking place behind the closed doors of not only factory farms, but also science labs, zoos, and circuses, I found more and more ways to speak out for the rights of animals. As I learned the horrific practices of the fur industry, and the merciless methods for testing the safety of laundry detergent, shampoo, and mascara, I set out on a mission to expose the systemic savagery to the masses. [If you haven’t read parts 14 of my journey, start from the beginning of my journey from disordered eating to plant-empowered living.]

Ella and Max

You see, in my young mind, I thought that surely if people only knew what was taking place, they would “see the light” and stop supporting the brutality in the name of a meal, a coat, lipstick, or an evening of entertainment. With that logic in mind, I became heavily involved in the animal rights scene. In fact, I was a leader for our local animal rights group. Before I had a license to drive I was organizing protests and leafletting all over town. I was tireless in my quest to be a voice for the voiceless.

What blows my mind today is thinking about the actions I took despite being a painfully shy person. To give you an idea, when I was five years old, my parents would role play with me so that I could practice saying hello to people they introduced me to (my natural reaction was to run and hide). Yet when it came to standing up for my belief in the rights of animals I was fearless.

I didn’t hesitate to organize demonstrations on the streets of Chapel Hill where I would sit inside tiny cages, displaying the cramped conditions of chickens. Chickens who had so little room to move that their feet would grow around the wires of the cage, and whose beaks were chopped off without anesthesia so that they wouldn’t peck each other to death from the stress of their conditions. I never had a second thought about standing on the side of the road, holding signs and chanting in protest of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus. I led campaigns urging L’Oreal and Revlon to stop testing on animals (I would wear anti-L’Oreal buttons to middle school every day and passed out pamphlets to all my classmates and teachers). I traveled to Pennsylvania for an annual pigeon shoot event, where we ran out into the line of fire in the fields in protest of the mass killing.

Bill Rosenberg Award

Bill Rosenberg Award for Animal Liberation

So my answer to the question, “Why weren’t you out there taking action and protesting?”… I was! In fact I even won the Bill Rosenberg Award when I was 16. This award is given each year by the Farm Animal Reform Movement (FARM) to “people under the age of 18 who have made outstanding contributions to farm animal liberation.”

Now I don’t want you to get the idea that I was this young animal rights activist who missed out on her childhood. As a kid I was a competitive swimmer and gymnast and had a great group of athletic friends

Ella Magersas a Teen

I was also your typical teenager in many ways. I went through the awkward adolescent phase like most everyone.  I dyed my hair, dark, gave my parents one-word answers, broke curfew, drank Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, and went to math class high (what can I say… math was right after lunch!) I met this drug dealer who gave me his brand new, decked out red Jeep Wrangler to drive around for over a year on the condition that I would pick him up and “drive him around” on occasion. (I was sure I could fool the authorities by playing dumb if we ever got stopped.)

Ella Prom

When I quit the volleyball team in 10th grade my relationship with my mom disintegrated with my new pothead status. Before I tell you more about that though, it will help if I give you a little background about my family…I was born in Pittsboro, NC and spent the first four years of my life living in a little log cabin in the woods. I was even potty trained in an outhouse, can you believe it?

My mom was the director of a preschool and my dad was a self-employed stone mason. My older sister, ten years my elder, suffered from mental illness and began self-medicating with drugs when she was just 10 years old. I have few memories of her during my youth, as she spent quite a bit of time in hospitals when she was not running away from home.

When my mom got pregnant with my younger sister, my parents decided it was time to move to Chapel Hill for the quality school system. My dad got a stable job at UNC and I got a real working toilet! I couldn’t be more thankful to have been blessed with two of the most loving, supportive parents imaginable. I mean seriously, when I said, “I’m never eating animals again” at the age of seven for example, they didn’t try to talk me out of it even once they realized it was not a “phase”, that I really wasn’t going to ever eat meat again. Big time parenting brownie points!

Young Ella Magers

My parents divorced when I was fourteen. They held their marriage together as long as they could. I was SO ready for them to separate at that point. For a period of time they tried to figure out how to turn our attic into a separate room with a separate entrance for my dad. Needless to say, it was a relief when we all sat down for “the talk”. Not to say it wasn’t tough. Divorce is never easy, but it was clearly the right move.

Family of Ella Magers

Getting back to the collapse of my relationship with my mom… She was understandably intolerant to drug use in her home due to the struggles of my sister. Being a teenager, I was sure I was immune to addiction and was convinced I could party without negative consequences. Being the strong-willed, determined individual I’ve always been, when my mom gave me the ultimatum of stopping using or leaving her house, I bet you can guess what I chose.Rebel Ella

Moving in with my dad gave me more freedom. He was apt to give me the benefit of the doubt in most situations which worked out for a while. I did not appreciate my dad back then as I do today. Eventually though, I grew up a bit, missed my mom, put my big girl panties on to work things out and move back in. A new beginning that eventually led to the place we’re in today, where I can honestly say my mom is my best friend. And as for my dad, I not only appreciate him today, but I’m also inspired by him and his journey down the path of embodying zen principles to the extent that he now volunteers teaching meditation to death row inmates!

I strongly believe that the strong foundation of unconditional love from my parents and my extreme devotion to animal liberation has saved me from spiraling out of control countless times over the years…

How so? Find out in Part 6!

From Disordered Eating to Plant-Empowered Living: Part 1

Kick Disordered Eating Out

The time to share my journey from disordered eating to plant-empowered living has come! 

Part 1: Intro

I’m ready to come clean…

Disordered Eating Vegan

What you are about to read is Part 1 (an introduction) to the multi-part “coming out” series I am going to be sharing with you over the next few weeks. I will be telling you parts of my journey that I’ve never shared openly before. I’m thrilled that I am in a place in life where I’m able and willing to get REAL and RAW, which means being transparent about the struggles that have made me who I am today!

Up until recently, I put A LOT of pressure on myself to be the shining example of a fit, healthy (physically and emotionally) vegan. It’s been my mission to bring veganism into the mainstream for over 20 years, and up until recently, the misinformation about plant-based nutrition, and the stereotypes about vegans in general, were so intense I purposefully made it my job to focus on only positives.

I’ve been vegan 22 years (vegetarian 30 years), and in large part, when I got sick or didn’t feel well, people were quick to blame it on my vegan diet. As ridiculous as that is, (I mean really, how many omnivores get sick and don’t feel well sometimes… ummm… everyone!), I did everything in my power not to give people any reason to associate anything negative with being vegan. I felt this is what I needed to do to help the most people become motivated and inspired to make the transition to a vegan lifestyle.I felt my own personal struggles were irrelevant, since they had nothing to do with me being vegan, and everything to do with my mental and emotional health.

Well, times have changed, and so have I!

Jump ahead to 2016 for a moment (don’t worry, I will be sharing all the juicy details about my years of disordered eating shortly)…

Last year I began a new chapter in my life and career. I created and launched my first online coaching program, making it possible to coach people all over the world through a structured process for transitioning to a fit vegan lifestyle. This was also exciting for me because it was an opportunity to finally put my counseling skills (from my Master’s in Social Work) to use. The program is holistic in that we work on nutrition, fitness, and emotional health together, since each affects the others.

The program also gave me a great deal of insight into the issues people face on their journeys to simply be healthy and happy. One such issue includes different types of disordered eating. The diet mentality, and the pressure society puts on us to have the “perfect body”, is so ingrained in our culture, that most of us have totally lost touch with our innate ability to eat without trying to follow self-imposed “rules” that dictate what, when, and how much food we consume. If you really stop and think about this concept, it’s mind blowing!

Countless people, who understand logically that diets don’t work, feel totally lost without a “diet” to follow. Most are also fearful that they will lose control of the shape of their bodies without self-imposed dietary rules. They are scared of “getting fat” and/or losing muscle. These fears are heightened when switching to eating plants exclusively since this usually means more carbs and less protein (in this carb-phobic protein-obsessed world in which we live)!

Disordered eating story

These disordered eating issues are certainly not exclusive to omnivores. Although I’ve been plant-exclusive for my entire teenage and adult life, I too have struggled with disordered eating and an impaired body image. I could truly relate to these people I was coaching.

It has been a long, agonizing journey for me to come to terms with, and work through, my disordered eating issues. At one point in my twenties I played the, “how lean can I get” game, in a subconscious attempt to gain control of my life. I am strong and lean at 120ish pounds, so can you imagine what I was like at 99 pounds? Looking back at photos is quite terrifying to me now.

In fact, as healthy as I am now, I consider myself in recovery still, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I continue to feel I’m “recovering” for the rest of my life. To me, this simply means I am empowered to continue to practice existing and new tools for emotional growth to which there is no ceiling. It also means I couldn’t be more excited to be launching my new Plant-Empowered Coaching Program. Here the focus is learning to eat consciously, mindfully, and intuitively as part of building a PLANT-strong body, heart, and mind.

My purpose for sharing my story, and putting my heart into this coaching program, is to empower people with similar disordered eating issues to “come out” and get the help they need to become PLANT-Empowered too!

I invite you to stay tuned for Part 2 of my story. I dive into what went on behind closed doors all the years I was drowning in my own diet hell…

How To Rid Your Life of Excuses and Take Your Power Back

From-Excuses-to-Empowerment

Life happens and there are a million reasons (a.k.a excuses) we come up with to talk ourselves out of getting in our workout or preparing a healthy lunch to take to work…

Good news! There’s a simple tool that can help you take control of your excuses. A tool that empowers you to take action and do what’s necessary to reach all your goals in life. I call it, “Owning Your Schedule.”

In the following video I explain the concept of “owning your schedule” and how you can flip the switch and turn your excuses into empowerment! This is a tool my clients learn and practice as part of my VEGANS TASTE BETTER® 8-Week Plant Empowered Coaching Program.

For anyone wanting to make a lifestyle transformation, understanding and implementing the “Owning Your Schedule” tool sets the stage for lasting change.

To Recap…

Do you use any of these common excuses?

  • I don’t have time…
  • I can’t give up my favorite foods, what would I eat…
  • It’s too hard…
  • I crave cheese too much…
  • I don’t want to make others feel uncomfortable when we go out to eat…

Check out how you can turn those common excuses into empowering statements!Client Owns Her Schedule and Becomes Empowered

  • I don’t have time…
    • I’m going to make time because I’m making my health my top priority.
  • I can’t give up my favorite foods, what would I eat…
    • I’m giving myself the opportunity to discover new foods that I’ve never tried before… How exciting!
  • It’s too hard…
    • I’m taking on this challenge because I’m strong and determined.
  • I crave cheese too much…
    • I’m so lucky that there are so many cheese alternatives to try!
  • I don’t want to make others feel uncomfortable when we go out to eat…
    • I’m happy to give others the opportunity to open their minds to eating in a way that could save their lives and help them feel good about making compassionate choices.

Now it’s your turn to put the “owning your schedule” tool to work like my client did during her time in the VEGANS TASTE BETTER™ 8-Week Plant-Empowered Coaching Program!

 

Let’s do this!