08 Apr 2019
Empowerment, Guest Blog Posts, Vegan Lifestyle
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The Extraordinary Gifts of Loneliness & a GIFT!

If you caught me on the summit, click HERE for your gifts…

And then check out this incredible article by our head mindset coach Stephanie Aguilar!

I’d been wanting to crawl out of my own skin for weeks.  

My generally humorous approach to life had left me shivering in my own unbidden sadness. My normal focused and analytical head was traded for a mush-mind that I did not recognize. I felt as if I were simply walking through my days in a misty disconnect from myself and everyone around me. In the middle of my chest was an ache, one that radiated at times to my throat, arms, and belly. Tears entered my eyes with every sad song, heartfelt gesture, and beautiful quote turned into an internet meme.

One Saturday evening, I was alone in the kitchen, and I was struck, almost to the floor, with a realization.  I was lonely. I was profoundly lonely. In my bones, I was lonely. In my eyes, I was lonely. In my heart, I was lonely. Through my entire body, I was lonely. Instead of pushing this loneliness away with a bag of Doritos and a Netflix binge of House of Cards, I decided to dig into the loneliness and see what was there for me.  And here’s where my lonely-heart story gets interesting.

Giving My Loneliness a Wink

Loneliness is an emotion that we humans avoid and deflect with everything we have.  It’s an emotion that we rarely HAVE to face, though it is as common a human experience as any. Yes, we feel it, but do we really have to face it? I didn’t. With endless ways to distract myself and make superficial connections within seconds that would put it off, actually looking my loneliness in the face seemed not only terrifying but completely foreign. Yet, I was compelled to dive in to see what was there.

I wasn’t interested in the WHY… that was simple enough… but I wanted to know what was in the loneliness for me. David Gandelman, founder of Groundedmind.com, says in his meditation on loneliness, “The more we try to avoid loneliness the more we feed it… but what happens if we walk deep into our own hearts and meet that loneliness?” And with that terrifying inspiration, I walked deep into my heart and gave my loneliness a wink.

I found in my loneliness that I was ashamed. I was embarrassed to be lonely. I have love in my life.  I have friends and family and colleagues and clients that I am connected to and love deeply. And, still, my chest ached with feelings of isolation and being misunderstood and alone.

In my curiosity, I uncovered something really unexpected. I am ashamed of my loneliness not because I believe I have no reason to be lonely but because I am afraid my loneliness diminishes my independence. It is my most cherished quality and yet, my irrational shame was centered on this thought that if I am lonely, I must be weak. If I am lonely, I must not be able to stand alone. If I am lonely, I must be unlovable.

Whoa! That wink had just turned into a full-on, in-your-face, slap-your-mamma-to-Tuesday kind of moment. And just as unexpectedly, my loneliness gave me some gifts.

The Big Reveal

First, my loneliness gave me the gift of vulnerability. I am an open book when it comes to my past shame. I will tell you about my failed relationships. I will talk for hours about my eating disorder. I will even tell you all about my early false starts at motherhood. But, sharing my in-the-moment, private thoughts and inner-most shame is another matter entirely.

Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat. It’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.” And so, in this loneliness and shame, I was all in. I bared my present shame to three people in one day… my two best friends and a complete stranger on Instagram. I said these exact words, “I am profoundly lonely” not knowing if I could trust myself to actually say the shameful words or the people I chose to tell and doing it anyway. And the remarkable thing was this: With the shame exposed, the loneliness lost its power.

My chest still ached. I still felt incredibly alone and misunderstood. But, I was in the light of vulnerability, and the loneliness lost its power. No longer did I feel the need to hide and run away from this emotion. I no longer felt like I needed to hide in a sleeve of oreos or scroll Facebook for hours.  Instead, I was ready to “say hello to my loneliness” as David Gandelman further invites in his meditation.

After exposing my shame, I found that I have the strength to be lonely. I am capable of being lonely while still being me. I did not fall apart. I was not a mess. I found I can sit with my loneliness and carry it around until I am done with it and it is done with me.  

Susan David, author of Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life, says, “We still don’t like the things we don’t like—we just cease to be at war with them.  And once the war is over, change can begin.” I don’t like being lonely, but I am now willing to lay down my ineffective weapons against loneliness because I found that the battle was not one that could be won.  And when I did that, I stepped into the realization that the loneliness was bringing me to the warrior heart I had completely dismissed.

Discovering the Irony

I think that we often fight against our emotions not because we are strong but because we believe ourselves to be completely incapable of sitting with the difficult emotions. We go into battle with distraction and incomparable replacements and all of those other weapons that ultimately fail.  The truth is if I did not face my loneliness, I would not know my capabilities, and isn’t that the irony here? My avoidance of loneliness was due to my shame and perceived dependence on others, when in actuality, my loneliness brought me to a strength I had not yet realized I had.

Through this strength, I started to uncover the causes of my loneliness. I am lonely because I love easily and yet, accepting love is very hard for me.  I am lonely because I have spent the last decade and a half nurturing everyone around me and neglecting to cultivate the friendships that feed my soul. I am lonely because I have often chosen isolation over adventure. I am lonely because I am human.

“Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility,“ Susan David says in an unparalleled way. I am human and fragile, and that is part of my beauty. My aching loneliness is preparing me for a gorgeous dance, one in which I will feel that inherent beauty and one that only I can create. I am not empty;  I am raw.

Since I am now fully available to accept the penetrating awareness of my loneliness, I am finding that I am deepening in compassion for all. The startling fact is, the loneliness is creating more space for love and purpose and a fullness that I have not yet experienced because I was too busy keeping loneliness at bay.

As Peme Chödrö states in her work, The Places that Scare You, “Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” Let me know my darkness. The world needs my compassion. It does not need another pretender.

My work, both as a client and as a coach in the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program, didn’t bring me to the superficial conclusion that I must be positive at any cost. Working through the process brought me to the belief that I am strong beyond the thoughts and emotions that fuel me as a human.

Only I am in charge of my happiness and meaning in this life. No one else has that contract with me but me. And despite my fragility and loneliness, I love all that I am enough to give every emotion a wink and say hello, then take it for a fantastic, terrifying ride. It isn’t enough to recognize the emotion, and through the Program I learned that I am powerful enough to take control of the thoughts that don’t serve me and view my emotions with compassion and curiosity rather than shoving them to the side to be dealt with at a later date.  This is the power of the process. This is the power of freedom. This is the power that is me.

11 Mar 2019
Empowerment, Guest Blog Posts, Holistic Health, Vegan Lifestyle
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10 Foolproof Ways to Be an Awesome Parent

During my 4.5 years of being a mother, I have noticed myself go from, “I am rocking this mom thing” to “I am screwing my child up for life” in a matter of 60 seconds.

I strive (daily) to be a good mother but this is the most challenging job I have ever had and it will be the job I am assigned to for the rest of my life… There is no retirement from parenting.  It is very stressful at times and I lose my cool more often than I like to admit.

I grew up with a screaming parent.  I had decided at a very young age that I would NEVER be that mom.  I wanted my children to feel loved and supported and for their feelings to be validated instead of shunning them for not obeying or losing my temper over their simple curiosity and comedic impulses. I wanted to be that parent who understands that children just want acceptance and hugs.  I read many books about child development and how to be calm, cool and collected at all times in this ever-changing job position.

But this morning, as I was having a screaming war with my son over brushing his teeth before school, I saw his small body trembling with anger and exhausted from the battle and I realized that I have allowed myself to lose sight of who he is… I have allowed myself to fall into patterns of behavior instead of using the tools I have learned about child-parent dynamics… I have allowed myself to be that screaming parent… and I crumbled. My beautiful boy deserves better.

So, I went back to some insights I have accumulated throughout the years to center my thoughts.  I am amazed at the calm I feel just by reading them out loud to myself. I am even more amazed that I have lost sight of so many of these thoughts for one reason or another over time.  My reality of parenting has not been jiving with my intentions and it is time for a check-in:

1)   Good parenting means taking care of yourself first.

Think of it the same as you are taught on an airplane… you must put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you can help anyone else.  If you neglect your own body and mind, you are really neglecting your child’s, as well. We cannot give a warm drink to someone with an empty carafe. Eat well, sleep well, exercise your body and take time to breathe and you can go into situations with enough understanding and awareness to make sure everyone wins. (This is something Ella certainly drives home in the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program.)

2)   Being imperfect is absolutely perfect.  

No one is perfect!  How beautiful and freeing that statement feels.  So many children are being taught that being wrong about something holds a bad connotation.  I remember being in school and being terrified to raise my hand because I was afraid of answering incorrectly and (possibly) being ridiculed by my teachers and peers over it.  

As an adult I realize that being wrong is important to learn anything. Do we ever truly learn from being right all the time? Our own focus on perfection trickles down to our children… whether it be about grades, appearance, weight or the like. Just as it is important for adults to know and practice this idea, it is even more vital for children to be comfortable with making mistakes and with being imperfect for their own mental health.  As adults, we can reason on a different level than children, whose brains are developing well into teen-hood. They are more susceptible to allowing negative thoughts about themselves and others to take over their lives.  Teach them that there is nothing wrong with a challenge and to welcome imperfection with a smile.

3)  Being mindful is more important than being in control.

The times when I am fighting for control are the times when I have lost control completely.  When I stop to take a breath to snap out of that space, my body is shaking from anger and my son is either screaming at me or crying because I hurt his feelings.  At that point, it feels like it is too late for this fight to come to a calm conclusion. If I had just opened my eyes to look at him and asked what he needed or wanted, it would have changed the course of the entire situation. Instead, I scoop him up and hold him in my arms and apologize over and over again, allowing the guilt to run so deeply that I ache in my fingertips.

Children’s feelings are often bigger than them and it is our job as the adult to help them to understand their emotions and focus their reactions appropriately.  Next time you feel that pit of anger welling up because your child is doing the exact opposite of what you think he should do… take a breath and walk away so that you can focus on his needs and to help him to work through his feelings.

4)   Take time to play and get in touch with your inner child.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “It is a happy talent to know how to play.”  Embracing the nostalgia of what made childhood so great is all about freedom to just have fun, to be outside, to run wildly, to explore, to play a game, to sing, to dance and to, simply, take time to laugh heartily.

While our idea of fun has changed quite a bit as we have aged, I have never seen a person, at any age, with a frown on her face while doing something she loves.  Play with your kiddo as often as possible… remind yourself what it was like to be that young… embrace it and do it often. Show your mini that you are never too old to have fun.

5)   It’s okay to be late.  

Let’s face it, when you have children, being on-time for anything goes out the window.  IT’S OK! It is not the end of the world and people usually understand (and if they don’t, that’s OK, too).  I am not saying be an hour late and expect that others will let it go… but being ten minutes late is not a make-or-break situation.  Don’t stress yourself and your child out by pushing perfection here.

6)   My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.

My mother had this sign hanging on the kitchen wall for my entire childhood.  While we always had a clean home, my mother never worried if our toys were in the living room because that meant we were having fun and that was more important to her than having everything in its place at all times.

Before I had my son, I had a rigid cleaning schedule for my home. I even had a calendar to remind me what to clean and when.  I realized very quickly into parenthood that that way of being caused me more anxiety than anything else. I had to let go a bit and know that the “Cleaning Police” were not going to barge into my house and take me away if there was a little dust on the mantle. If there is a choice between spending time with your family or cleaning… choose family and enjoy every minute.

7)   My child loves me unconditionally.  

I am always amazed that, no matter how many times I “mess up” this parenting thing, my son always gives me a kiss and hug before bed. He never holds onto the anger or resents me for my reactions.  He only wants to know that I will always love him, back. He wants my approval, my guidance, my arms to hug him and for me to play with him as often as possible. Children tend to be more forgiving than adults… we should take a lesson from them.  

8)   It’s okay to give in.  

There are times when I ask myself, “Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?”  Not everything has to be something. If it doesn’t matter that much, then don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be just to prove a point.  It’s ok to let something go and give in to your child sometimes… you will not ruin him or make him a menace to society if an argument ends with you saying, “You know what? I don’t want to fight anymore… just eat the cookie for dinner and enjoy it.”  Pick your battles.

9)   Children are always testing their wings, not you!  

More often than not, children are trying to see the extent of their own abilities.  They are not purposefully trying to piss you off… it’s not personal. They want to be strong, independent and reach their dreams whether that means wearing the same Superman shirt everyday or climbing to the highest point on the playground.  They don’t know how you feel about the situation and they usually don’t care (children are naturally egocentric… their world is the only world). It’s more about living moment to moment for them rather than whatever consequences will follow.

Take time to explain to them what can happen, or why you are angry, or how they can make better choices rather than yelling at them for not doing something the way you want them to.  They might not always agree or understand, but they will likely feel more loved and respected if you talk with them rather than at them.

10)    I am enough!

There will be plenty of times when you will doubt your abilities and feel like you can do better.  I am a firm believer that the Universe gives us what we need when we need it. Our children challenge us to be better than we’ve ever been before and the Universe would never have done that if it didn’t know that we are ready for it.  You are enough.. in fact, you are more than enough. You are an AWESOME parent!

 

04 Mar 2019
Empowerment, Vegan Lifestyle
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How to Change the Stories Keeping You Stuck to Turn Your Dreams Into Reality

What is one thing in your life you tell yourself you can’t do? ​​

We talk a great deal about stories in the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program, because the stories we create in our heads determine our reality.

What is one thing in your life you tell yourself you can’t do, as if you’re stating fact? It could be something like, “I can’t go totally vegan,” or “I can’t start my own business,” or “I can’t run a marathon.”

​​News flash! This is just a story, and chances are you are making it your reality out of fear… Fear brought on by limiting beliefs about who you are and what you’re capable of.

Here’s the deal though… You are so much more powerful than your limiting beliefs! This is something we challenge people to address within the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program.

​​For many, the Program provides a life-changing opportunity to face their fears and tackle their shame so that they can use their talents to show up in the world in a way that is congruent with their life’s purpose.

Many people walk around their entire lives searching for solutions to their problems with the hope that once they lose the weight, get out of debt, find the right partner, or get offered the promotion, that they’ll then become happy, feel at peace, and find freedom.

The flaw in those thoughts is that happiness, peace, and freedom do not come from a change in your circumstances. Happiness, peace, and freedom are available to you right now, because they are already deep within you.

​​The tools we teach in the Program are the tools most people are missing to be able to step into their power, look inward, dig deep, and move forward with confidence in their lives. I challenge you to tell yourself that you are done robbing yourself of the FREEDOM and ENERGY available to you.

​​Ask yourself… What story are you telling yourself that is keeping you stuck? For many it’s about finances. Money, however, is just a form of energy, and by making decisions from a place of abundance, you are creating a life of abundance.

Anxiety about finances is one of the biggest challenges for people considering enrolling in the Program. What those who enroll understand though, is that making the investment in themselves means the energy, money included, will come back to them tenfold!

What we help you do in the Program, is to embody the REAL YOU, the AUTHENTIC YOU. The person who always makes the “safe” choice and retreats back into their comfort zone is the inauthentic you. I am so grateful that my team and I have the honor of coaching people through the process of discovering and embodying the real you!

Hear what Program graduate Jamie Rottura had to say about making the huge leap of faith and how it changed her life forever!

25 Feb 2019
Empowerment, Guest Blog Posts, Holistic Health
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The Journey Back to Me, Embracing My PTSD

I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) in 2014 shortly after the birth of my son. His existence is nothing short of a miracle in the truest sense.   I still feel the sting in my heart and the tears welling up every time I remember the events of that day. It was the best and scariest day of my life.

It’s Time!

It was Memorial Day 2014 at 6:30 am when my fiancé (at the time) informed me that the mild discomfort I was feeling was indeed labor pains.  My mom was sleeping in the guest room in preparation for my due date, so I woke her up and told her it was time. We were all insanely excited that we were finally going to meet this mini-person growing inside of me.  

I was worried that, it being Memorial Day, traffic would be awful during the forty-minute commute to the hospital, but we managed to get there with no delays.  I was checked-in and getting transported to the birthing room by 7:30 am. I was already getting close to full dilation so there was no time for an epidural, which was fine by me since I seemed to be handling the pain easier than I had expected (though that threshold was quickly surpassed and soon I was yelling like every woman does when giving birth- I am not Wonder Woman).  

It was 8 am and the nurse had just told me that we were about ready to push when the alarms started going off on, what seemed like, every machine I was connected to. After that, everything went so fast and seemed like slow motion at the same time.  The doctor came into the room followed by three more nurses and they all worked together to detach machines and whatever else.

The bed began moving out the door and I asked (in a very loud voice), “What is happening? Where are you taking me? What’s going on?”. A nurse was walking next to my bed on the way to the OR attempting to put an IV in my arm while the other nurses spoke medical jargon back and forth.  I just kept repeating, “What is happening? Is my son ok?”. No one answered me for what seemed like an eternity.

We entered the operating room and the doctor looked straight into my eyes and said, “We are knocking you out now. The cord is wrapped around your baby’s neck and he needs to come out.”  After that, they must have knocked me out because my memory is blank.

Lucky to Be Alive?

When I woke up, my fiancé and mother were sitting to my left and the doctor was standing on my right. I felt so confused and everything looked so blurry. The doctor asked me how I felt, and I had no answer… my mouth just wouldn’t open, for some reason.  The doctor said, “Your son is alive in the NICU. As soon as he is stable, a nurse will bring him in. You are both very lucky to be alive.” Those words both relieved me and sunk into my chest like a stone.

He continued to explain that my son was born blue and it took a while to resuscitate him.  He said that, when I am ready, we can talk about the probable issues that my son will face due to the lack of oxygen to his brain for such a long period of time.  

He told me that there were two parts to my own near-morbidity: 1) I had grown a 3lb fibroid along with my son resulting in a twin-like birth and 2) I had suffered a placental adhesion (my placenta attached to my uterine wall and, when it birthed, it ripped the connective tissues).  The combination caused me to lose too much blood resulting in several blood transfusions. I stopped listening after that…the rest is a blur.

When my son was two and a half days old, I saw him for the first time.  He was still on machines, but I was not so the nurse walked me to the nursery to breastfeed him (I was very insistent). I remember the nurse brought me to his crib and he had tubes everywhere. I was afraid to hold him even though the nurse told me I could.

“I’m Not Enough” Sets In

I had heard that a mother feels an instant connection to her child when she breastfeeds for the first time… I did not feel it.  I couldn’t even breastfeed successfully… the nurse had to match my nipple with a tube to give him formula so that he would eat. I wasn’t enough to nourish my baby… I wasn’t enough to give him what he needed. I attributed my disconnection to the two and a half days that had passed before meeting him outside of my womb.

Two hours later, I went back to the nursery to try to feed him again.  I had read that a mother will recognize her baby in a room full of babies and I wished that would be me this time… that the connection would be stronger this time.  When I went to the wrong crib and picked up someone else’s child (the nurse stopped me the moment I picked the wrong baby up), I broke down and felt like a failure immediately… just two and a half days into motherhood.  

The guilt of not having given him a gentle birth and not knowing my only child even after housing him within my body for nine months was overwhelming. All I could think was that not only had my body almost failed me, but it attempted to kill my unborn child and now it feels no connection to him and it won’t let me breastfeed successfully. I hated my body in a fierce way. I hated myself.

The Diagnosis

We finally left the hospital on day five. The next three months were a mixture of intense fears, overwhelming emotions, dramatic reactions, severe nightmares, panic attacks and random, physical pain at extremely inconvenient times. I struggled to breastfeed, and I worried that my son was not gaining weight, so I was at the doctor often.  I was so sure that my child would die from SIDS or some other, unforeseen ailment that I needed to hold him every second to be able to build as many memories of him as possible.

I literally either had him attached to me using the baby pouch or I carried him. I was terrified to let him out of my sight. The one time I let his father stay with him while I went to the grocery store, I broke down crying while getting a grocery cart and I had to return home immediately to pick my son up and bring him with me.  I knew something was off the night I was suffering from the stomach flu and was holding him while vomiting. I was diagnosed three days later.

The Journey Out of Darkness

It has taken years for me to move through my symptoms of PTSD.  It has not been an easy journey and there have been times when my terror has incapacitated me.  It wasn’t until I learned simple tools like “the power of the pause” and “if that, then this” that Ella so insightfully spells out in her Plant-Empowered Coaching Program that I really got hold of my anxiety and irrational fears. I realized that, for my son to live a happy and care-free childhood, I get to channel that energy into positive experiences for both of us.  I am finally able to feel the freedom that comes with being able to rationalize my fears.

I remind myself (often) that I am grateful for my body.  Instead of resenting it for the challenges I faced, I embrace that it held onto my son and prepared him to be the strong boy that he is today.  My body is my ally in every way, always pushing me to overcome adversity. My body allows me to hug and kiss my son and to protect him and that is a gift. Every moment is a precious gift that could have been lost on that beautiful and awful day in May 2014.

Ready to Soar!

My son is now a happy and healthy 4-year-old.  He is within normal range for height and weight and he consistently scores above-average in every physical, emotional and logical test he enters. We try things together that I would never have thought possible… like standing at the seashore enjoying the water on our feet and taking a walk in the woods together.

I have learned that I am enough because I believe in my ability to care for him in every way and to teach him to live boldly. I am a proud mamma and my mini-me is thriving.  We will have adventures together, travel together, laugh together and remind each other how very amazing we truly are, together and apart. I will let him soar when his wings are ready because I know we will both be just fine.

*If you haven’t read Jamie’s first powerful blog post, Mindfully Ever After, check it out HERE!

25 Jan 2019
Empowerment, Guest Blog Posts, Holistic Health
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Mindfully Ever After

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a fair maiden who longed for her prince to whisk her away from her circumstance and help her to live happily ever after.

OK, so “once upon a time” is really about four years ago, “a faraway land” is New jersey, “a fair maiden” is (yep, you guessed it, ME) and I never really longed for a prince to whisk me away, per se… but I did wish to live happily ever after.

I was in the depression of my life.

“Quarter-Life Crisis” hit me in the middle of getting used to being a single mom of a baby, moving across the country, having no job and living on government money, and being extremely overweight and unhealthy.  There is probably a few more details I am skipping, but you get the gist.  I was desolate, confused, hopeless and I felt like it would never change.

I tried my hardest to pick myself up.  I moved in with family, walked outside with my son as often as possible, I cleansed a lot, I did a bunch of yoga and running, I even found a fun job. Things were okay for a couple of months and then… I stopped. I don’t know why… I just stopped.  I felt the burden of the job that I was in, which took me away from my son for twelve and fourteen hours a day, I stopped making time to exercise because I was too tired, and I only found time to eat on the run so my body felt cruddy.

I wanted the change to stick but, like all the years of trying before during each of the, what I call “mini-depressions”, (all of the dieting and cleansing… all of the exercise routines…all of the feeling good) I just stopped every time I started getting the hang of the routine. I knew I had the brains to do it- I reminded myself that I am a college graduate and I worked hard to obtain that.  Yet, I could not get off the cycle.  I hated that piece of myself.  I hated the quitter in me that reared her ugly head every time I started to gain some ground and get my emotions under control.

I was 36 years old and had been doing the same things I had done all of my adult life ~ When life got in the way, I left ME behind.  I always did well at the job I was doing because that mattered more than anything else.  All the other stuff (like taking care of myself) just fell to the wayside.

It took me three more years of listing my grievances with myself until I sat in the emotion.

I stood still and listened instead of spewing out the venomous words of who I imagined myself to be.  I still hated myself for my patterns, but I was finally in a place to begin to accept my faults and move forward.  Instead of trying to control my emotions, I let them do their thing and I just… listened.

After a couple of months of this, I realized that I was ready to try again.  I didn’t know what to do, but I knew something needed to change now. I figured I would begin with food, since that would help me to feel good now. I had been eyeing an add that I kept seeing on my FB page called, “Sexy Fit Vegan” and I decided that it would teach me how to become a vegan, which was a life-goal of mine (living in an Italian family made it tough as resisting cheese was not my strong suit). So, I reached out to Ella Magers and we talked.

Oddly, the discussion about becoming a vegan lasted about eight minutes but the conversation lasted over thirty minutes.  Instead of talking about food, Ella asked me questions about me and who I believe myself to be.

She literally said, “If you want an eating plan, I can send you a book.  If you want a life change, that’s where I can really help.”  I wanted a life change.

After a day of deliberation, I called her back and (hesitantly) told her I wanted in.  Something felt different this time, but I was still so apprehensive considering I was a quitter and I knew that about myself.  I questioned spending more money just to be back in the same place I always wound up in.

I didn’t know what could come of the program, but I figured I would trust the process. After all, the Universe has my back, right?

From day one, I decided to go in it full-force and be “perfect” about it (same habit as always).  I exercised that day… woke up at before dawn and meditated, did yoga and ran.  Then I played with my son and went to work.  During lunch break, I was tired, but I listed to all the module one videos and printed out the materials to begin when I got home.  Can you guess what happened when I got home?  Yep- I had to make dinner, give my son a bath, get myself ready for bed, prepare lunches for the next day and then… I crashed.

The exact same cycle happened for five straight days.  Day six, I skipped the morning meditation, yoga and run to sleep in.  I had already felt like a failure just six days in.  However, I believe myself to be the Queen of Reinvention, so I put my big-girl panties on and tried again.

I decided to take a breath and do it differently this time; start small to get big results.  I began focusing on what mattered instead of trying to be perfect.  This change needed to happen for me this time… not because I wanted to look a certain way or focus on my future self. The change needed to happen to focus on my current self… to be a better me now.

In the next few months, I meticulously worked my way through the modules.  I drank in every bit of wisdom like it was the last water on earth.  I listened intently to the videos, I participated in the check-ins, I did my homework and I began to let go little by little.  Along the way, so much came up that I didn’t even realize was on my heart- and I still did the work.

Along the way, anger boiled within me and sadness took over- and I still did the work.  Along the way, regret and shame came up quite a bit- and I still did the work.  Along the way, I wanted to quit and I even wavered on my ability to handle more- and I still did the work.  Moving away from perfection has allowed me to become my true, authentic self.

Fast forward through six months of letting go, understanding, accepting, getting angry, celebrating, disappointment, and just breathing and I have come to the realization that I am pretty freaking awesome!

I like me… I never really liked me before. And that woman who was always a quitter… I understand her now.

I understand that the obsessive exercising and cleansing and crash diets were simply a band aid.  I understand that waking up at 4:30am to do what “should” be done was not sustainable because she didn’t know why it mattered to take care of herself.  I understand that she was so broken inside that a quick fix was never going to be the answer.  She and I are best friends now and we work together to pick up every little piece one-by-one to weave together our beautiful life quilt.

Sure, along the way, I also became a vegan… but that was not until six months into the program, when I was at a place where I truly let go of the emotions I was holding onto so tightly.

It is only now that I realize that counting calories and weighing food and constant dieting is NOT the way I want to live… it is simply too stressful.  I like eating in alignment with my beliefs and I like feeling good about what I am putting into my body and THAT is why I am a vegan. But I had to clear out a lot of who I thought I was to know who I really am.

And so, she lives… mindfully ever after.

21 Jan 2019
Empowerment, Guest Blog Posts
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From Bitch to BFF: The Power of the Pause in Everyday Life

I was looking forward to my lunch break yoga today…

Right before I left for class though, I saw that my favorite instructor was subbed out for an instructor that I haven’t loved in the past. In addition to the fact that I didn’t love her style of teaching, she’s never been very friendly towards me.
My very first thought was, think of a reason why I can’t go, maybe blame my workload today.  I paused (the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program emphasizes the “power of the pause“), and instead of going with my immediate reaction, I chose new thoughts instead…
1.  I will be open to giving this instructor another try and maybe I will end up enjoying it
2.  This is my time for my self care so there’s no blaming work and there’s no other class I want to do during this time slot I have open.
I arrive at the yoga studio and the instructor that I’ve already said I don’t love is at the front desk. She was not present (looking down texting)  and as I walked by she tried to charge me for a mat even though I have it included in my membership.
I was super friendly about it, even though had she just looked up from her phone and at my profile as I checked in she would have seen the type of membership I have. Okay, so we are already off on the wrong foot, but I’m remaining positive. I keep telling myself how thankful I am for my membership and that I have the time to take the class.
Now I’m in class and I’m not crazy about the music that’s playing. It’s actually so loud that I’m having difficulty hearing her instruction. I decided to change those thoughts as well to how thankful I am for my strong healthy body that can do all the poses.
Then, something shifted. Just as the class is getting more difficult, she comes over and gives me a really helpful adjustment. My next thoughts are, I’m really thankful for both the time and energy she is giving me and the class itself, even though I am loathing the music and can’t hear her talk (I’m really not an old lady yet, I swear)!
I get through the class and lay in savasana, thankful and thinking loving thoughts of my body, mind, and just about everything I have to be grateful for which is so much!
As I’m leaving class, the instructor asks me how I feel in such a genuine caring way. All of a sudden she was super friendly and present. Completely opposite of how she has treated me in the past.

Okay here’s the best part…

As I’m almost out the door, she must have looked at my profile because she asked me if I could help her find a new apartment (I’m a realtor). I immediately said yes! Mid-discussion another person overhears us and asks me for the same help. I left the yoga studio with 2 new clients, and goose bumps about the power of my thoughts! It occurred to me that the entire experience, positive and negative, would not have even happened if I had not felt empowered enough to change my thoughts.
On a side note, 2018 was very stressful for me due to financial struggles, so gaining 2 new clients in a matter of an hour was evidence that 2019 is going to be a completely different year in so many ways. Thank Goodness!
Anyway, I’m now even more thankful for all that I’ve learned through the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program. As I tell people in our Breakthrough Calls, we teach “forever tools” in the program, and I love being a testimonial of how using those tools even in simple, every day life scenarios, is truly transformational!
Thanks for reading 🙂
07 Jan 2019
Holistic Health
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You Do NOT Have to Go to Work Today!

I’m psyched to be delivering some fantastic news…

You do NOT have to go to work today!

Nor do you have to pick your kids up from school, prepare a healthy dinner, or get the oil changed in your car. In fact, you don’t have to do anything!

Okay okay, you’re probably thinking, “What the hell are you talking about Ella?”

Well in case you don’t already know, I am all about helping people get out of victim mode and step into their power.

The Power of Words

We’re big on vocabulary at Vegan Life Coach Academy, and how the language we use can dictate who we think we are, how we move through the world, and what we believe we’re capable of.

So one thing we work on with our members is empowering vocabulary changes… And WOW, let me just tell you that it never ceases to amaze me the difference replacing ONE word or phrase can make in our lives.

Think about how many times a week, heck, a day, that you say, “I have to…”

I have to get out of bed now. I have to go to work. I have to go to the gym. I have to make dinner. I have to go to my kid’s soccer game…

BUT, do you really HAVE TO? Are you being forced? Do you not have a choice? Are you really that powerLESS?

No!

Consider this…

You DO have a choice! You DO have the power to choose what you do and don’t do with your precious time and energy.

Now you may be saying, “Ok yeah, but if I don’t go to work, I’ll lose my job,” or “If I don’t go to the gym I’ll never reach my goals.”

And that all may be true!

But here’s the deal… Are there consequences to your decisions? Of course! You choose not to go to work and you’ll probably get fired. You choose to grab fast food instead of making a healthy dinner, you’ll probably feel like crap. You get the idea?

So where are you right now… Are you a victim to your schedule, or are you empowered by what you choose to do with your time?

And you know, it’s not only about understanding these types of powerful mindset shifts, but also putting them into use every single day until they become second nature. And having a structured process with consistent individual and group coaching, accountability, and peer support is part of the formula that makes Vegan Life Coach Academy such a huge success for our Visionaries members.

So, I’m challenge you to own your schedule by replacing the phrase, “I have to,” with one of the following:

  • “I choose to”
  • “I get to”
  • “I’m grateful to be able to…”
  • “I’m fortunate I have the opportunity to….”

And why stop there?

The concept that we have control over our what we do with our time and energy can be applied to every aspect of our lives.

We all have the same number of hours in our day (I believe that number is “not enough”), so we have to constantly prioritize, which is often done without a second thought.

But by saying, “I choose to…” we are forcing ourselves to prioritize our time with intention. Pretty cool if you really think about it, huh?!

Most of the clients I work with are used to taking care of everyone else’s needs before their own. I call it “People-Pleasing Syndrome” and I am definitely a recovering people-pleaser myself! Are you?

But here’s the deal…

Putting our own needs last may seem unselfish, but it’s actually the opposite. You simply cannot serve others to the best of your ability if you’re not taking care of yourself… Not to mention the underlying resentment that undoubtedly forms when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed.

So it’s time to not only replace “I have to” with “I choose to,” but also start to prioritize self-care.

I know, I know, so much easier said than done (which just means that the time to start working on changing this pattern is NOW)!

What will you do, starting TODAY to consistently take better care of yourself? Start with just one activity to add to your routine, whether it be a dance class or just 30 minutes quiet time to read. Put it in your calendar and follow through with your commitment to yourself. (If you’re like our clients, your great at keeping your commitments to everyone but yourself.)

Want support?

Our Empowered Vegan Life Facebook group is a fantastic, free, space for connecting with other like-minded people, and getting and giving valuable support. So if you haven’t joined yet, get into action and join HERE now.

Looking forward to connecting with you there!

14 Dec 2018
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Forgiveness: Your Ticket to Freedom in 2019

“Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” This famous quote, often attributed to Buddha, is one of the most accurate analogies that exists.

Think about one person who you harbor resentment toward. Let yourself experience that resentment for a moment. How does it feel? Pretty shitty right?! Now think about that other person. Do you think they’re suffering right now due to your continued anger? Probably not, proving that the consequence of your resentment is self-inflicted suffering.

The question then becomes, “Why are you inflicting pain on yourself?” I don’t expect you to have an answer now, but my goal for writing this article is to help you begin to find the answer while introducing you to some powerful shifts you can make to forgive, let go, and find your freedom.

The Plant-Empowered Coaching Program is all about achieving a total mind-body transformation. Most people do not have the tools to deal with negative emotions in a healthy way. We consider negative emotions “toxic” when we are so fearful of them that we stuff them away or numb them with food, alcohol, drugs, or even exercise.

Toxic emotions can in turn manifest in our bodies as pain, high blood pressure, stiffness, belly fat, fatigue, headaches, gastrointestinal problems, and even tumor growth, to name a few. When you hear the saying, “he died from a broken heart,” it’s not just a figure of speech. People actually die from extreme grief. In the days following the loss of a loved one people are much more likely to die of a heart attack.

Getting back to anger and resentment, when we hear “forgiveness,” we often think “apology.” Really though, the apology has nothing to do with true forgiveness. The dictionary definition of forgiveness is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone after an offense or mistake, or to cancel a debt. As you can see, forgiveness is all about internally changing how you feel, and has nothing to do with outward actions like an apology.

Let’s consider four options when it comes to forgiving someone else. These are “options” because you always have a choice about how you perceive and react to a situation. You are NOT a victim to your circumstances. You DO have the power to write your own life story. These are concepts we focus on in the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program.

The first option is to protect or lie to yourself and say that you’ve forgive someone, and act as if you’ve forgiven, but then continue to harbor anger. Living in denial is the most self-destructive of all the options.

The second option is to choose NOT to forgive. Letting go takes a lot of work, and you have to be ready and willing to do the work. It may take a while for you to get to that place. In the meantime, give yourself some grace and approach yourself with curiosity and compassion (another concept we highlight in the Program).

The third option is to choose to truly forgive and cut the other person out of your life. When you determine that someone’s presence in your life is detrimental to your own growth it is not serving anyone to keep them in your life. Forgive and let them go. Forgiving does not mean you have to welcome someone back into your life. You are not under any obligation to tell them you’ve forgiven them either. Remember, forgiveness is about how YOU feel. It has nothing to do with their feelings.

The last option is to truly forgive, and choose to continue to have a relationship with the other person. This is the option that requires the most effort, in large part because you may have to keep forgiving them every time you interact with them and you feel the anger returning. To truly forgive takes a ton of mental and emotional work, and when you see the person, you’re likely to be triggered and have to do that work over and over again until it finally sticks.

There is one alternative to forgiving that I want to throw out there next. When I discovered this course of action it actually blew my mind. What if you could get to a place where you did not give someone else the power to hurt your feelings or piss you off? “That’s impossible!” you might be thinking right now. But is it? No one can upset or anger you without your permission. Empowerment comes from truly believing that only you have complete control over how you think and feel. As our clients will tell you, taking full responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, and actions will put you on the path to freedom.

A final consideration is that sometimes, when we think we feel angry at others, we are really angry at ourselves. Most of our clients have experienced a great deal of shame in their lives. Where there’s shame, there’s a lack of self-acceptance and self-love, and a need to forgive yourself.

After living in shame for over a decade, the path to forgiving myself was daunting. Escaping the prison of perfectionism and people-pleasing took years of hard work. When I finally did overcome the shame and forgive myself, letting go of the anger and resentment for others was a piece of vegan cake!

I want to encourage you to give yourself the gift of forgiveness as you glide into 2019. In the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program our clients learn how to “play life like a game.” This makes the intense work they’re doing on themselves, after some practice over time, seem, in a sense, fun! It’s like finding that proverbial light at the end of a long dark tunnel… Pure freedom!

04 Dec 2018
Empowerment, Going Vegan Tips, Vegan Lifestyle
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Beyond Survival… How to Thrive As a Vegan Over the Holidays

Wouldn’t it be fantastic if the holiday season was a time when you were able to simply focus on spreading love, experiencing joy, and spending valuable time with family? How incredible would it feel to be free from all the extra pressure you put on yourself to make sure everyone else is happy? What would it mean to you to be free from secretly stressing about how you’re going to avoid splurging too much and gaining that extra weight you seem to pack on before heading into every New Year (when you plan to have a “fresh start” of course)?

As I mentioned in my last blog post, the holidays used to be an incredibly stressful time for me due to my struggles with disordered eating and a distorted body image. If that’s a struggle for you too, check out last week’s post as well as the Facebook Live event we did in the Empowered Vegan Life Facebook Group.

The focus of this post is on the other stressor that many of our Plant-Empowered Coaching Program clients also face… Being vegan around critical relatives who just don’t get it.   

I’ve got great news for you!  I’m here to help you write a new story for your holiday this year.

It’s important to first understand that you have no control over how other people think, feel, or act. Therefore, you must let go of trying to change anyone else and focus on “doing you!”

This year, instead of apologizing for being “difficult,” I encourage you to be proud and confident about your decision to go vegan. Don’t play small and hide.

Think about it… By acting (eating) in line with your values you’re setting an incredible example for those you love, no matter how hard a time they give you. I invite you to be unattached to the outcomes and simply shine your light on those around you. Then, instead of jumping to conclusions, sit back and observe what happens with curiosity and compassion (which is also how our clients learn to approach THEMSELVES)!

Choosing a mantra or two to say to yourself every time someone is critical or pushes your buttons can really help. Some of my favorites are:

“No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.”

“They are doing the best they can with what they have.”

“The only approval I need is my own.”

“What they say is a reflection of them, not me.

”I choose to courageously speak my truth with love.”

Will this be uncomfortable at first? Yes! Do it anyway! Head to your gathering without expectations. Bring a vegan dish or two to share. Focus on the precious time with your family instead of focusing on the food and eating. All too often we don’t consider that time with family precious until those people have passed. Living in gratitude makes all the difference in the world.

Basically, consciously using the holiday as an opportunity to work on YOURSELF is key to continue powerfully down the path to not only a health and happy life, but also a meaningful life.

12 Nov 2018
Empowerment, Vegan Lifestyle
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Diaries of a Dating Vegan (Me)!

Vegan Dating

Until a couple months ago I had been on a dating hiatus, putting all my vibrant vegan energy into my incredibly rewarding work transforming lives with the Plant-Empowered Coaching Program.

In fact, my last relationship ended over three years ago! 

Looking back, was I disappointed when we broke up? Yes. Was it a shock? Not at all.

Although there were multiple factors that led up to the split, ultimately, at the root, there was such a huge difference in core values that my growth as a human being was being stifled.

I don’t play the blame game. I take full responsibility for the consequences of staying in a toxic relationship for many years. Now, over three years later, however, I am able to approach myself and my past with curiosity and compassion instead of contempt and ridicule.

Being so clear on the value I place on the well-being of animals since I was seven years old is something I am eternally grateful for. At the same time, having my identity be so connected to veganism, starting long before the average person even knew what the word vegan meant, has made dating and relationships especially challenging.

On November 11th, 2018, for the first time in my life, I realized how vital it is that I build a long-term relationship with someone who, quite simply, gives a shit, someone who feels compelled to make choices based on love and compassion, instead of hate and fear, someone who opens their heart and mind and thinks for themselves instead of taking what they’re taught by society as “the way it is,” someone who respects and values ALL life and the planet as a whole, someone who is driven to live a meaningful life in abundance instead of making decisions from a place of greed and scarcity. This also means supporting leaders who care about giving a voice to the voiceless and protecting our environment, instead of choosing to have tunnel vision and voting with his wallet.

I was at the Yard House in South Beach for Sunday Funday football, sitting at a table with the guy I was dating and a guy friend that I’m not close with. I won’t go into many details, but here’s the gist of what went down. The boys started talking, and when it turned political, I sat quietly listening. I also sat quietly as they covered the topic of plant-based eating. I found it interesting that not one time was I asked my opinion or for input, despite being the obvious expert on plant-based diets. For the most part I just wanted to listen anyway, though I couldn’t help but to jump in a few times. 

As surprised as I was to hear my friend ask for my date’s political views (we’ve never talked politics on Sunday Funday before), I was equally as grateful to be able to listen to the conversation, and here’s what I learned throughout their conversation. 

My date votes with his wallet above all else, above human rights, environmental protection, and certainly above animal welfare. I learned that he finds the current political situation somewhat “entertaining”. I learned that bringing him to numerous powerful vegan events during the Seed Food and Wine Festival that week, introducing him to my amazing world-renowned network of vegan health, wellness, and fitness professionals, had so little impact that it wasn’t even worth mentioning in a relevant discussion. I even learned that a qualified woman sports reporter is only worthy of announcing if she’s young and pretty.

It only took a few minutes after they started talking to develop a knot in my stomach and to feel all of a sudden very alone and deflated. As I looked around, understanding that I was likely the only vegan in the entire restaurant, and feeling completely disconnected from my date, I had a number of realizations.

Growing up as the only vegetarian in elementary and middle school, and the only vegan in high school and college, I had a hard time creating close relationships with others. It was me with my view of animals and the planet, versus everyone else and their view. I didn’t think about my difficulty connecting in that way though. Instead, I just assumed that there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t seem to form close relationships with many people.

On November 11, after telling my friend and head mindset coach in my Plant-Empowered Coaching Program Stephanie about my experience that Sunday, she wrote the most insightful words of wisdom.

She wrote,

“I think you’ve hit on something huge in terms of giving yourself a hard time. You connect easily with others, but in all honesty, you are a revolutionary with a big part in creating and forging a new world and way of living. You are so courageous to be doing that while not hiding exclusively in that community that is not yet mainstream. I know it’s not easy, my beautiful friend.”

Stephanie made such a powerful point… To a large degree I have always kept myself smack dab in the middle of the mainstream world, having mostly mainstream friends and boyfriends, and doing mainstream activities (like practicing Thai boxing and watching football). I’ve always seen it as part of my life’s work, to live my truth and inspire others to open their hearts and minds so that they too can live theirs. If I surrounded myself with people who have the same perspective, what good would I be doing the world?

That being said, I realize now that having a boyfriend who sees the world similarly to the majority of the population will inherently prevent us from developing the intimacy I am seeking with a life partner.

My date asked me the other day, “How do you travel as a vegan?” I now realize that I want a partner who will see vegan travel as an exciting opportunity to explore other countries and cultures, instead of being an annoyance or inconvenience.

There is a worthiness issue that arises here. I battled with shame the majority of my life. Shame is routed in limiting beliefs, the main one being, “I am not enough.” I have been moving through the world believing I am unworthy of a partner who facilitates my growth, a partner who brings a sense of freedom, peace, light, meaning, and joy to my life, a partner who feels I add those same things to his life. Well that changes now. I am worthy of true love and connection on a deep spiritual level, and I am putting this new energy out into the universe starting right now!