“Roller coaster of emotions is an understatement. I would say though, it was one of the best weeks of my life…. “
Pre and Post PEAK WEEK
Roll back to the beginning of March 2016. This was just 3 weeks ago and I was on PEAK WEEK. This is a term used in the fitness competition world. This is the final week before you take the stage. My workout and diet was changing by the day. Nevertheless I was tired from all the changes, but my excitement from it all kept my adrenaline up and I was on the move. I continued to workout up until the day before the show. However I felt like a princess because Thursday and Friday I did all my pampering. Waxing, nails, massage, checked into the hotel and had my spray tan. I felt on top of the world, although 100% nervous and still kinda questioning what the heck I was doing, I felt confident and amazed at what I had done over the past 12 weeks. It was show time! Roller coaster of emotions is an understatement. I would say though, it was one of the best weeks of my life…. I took home 2 trophies that day, First place Novice and Second place Overall..
So what happens post competition…
Honestly the mental fuck doesn’t stop, if anything it might even increase, if you can believe that. The thought process that you have to maintain or want to constantly look like you did during peak week and while on stage is something that is frankly not realistic or achievable. If it is, not for long and is completly unsafe and unhealthy. Therefore, not for me. I already knew that going into this process but that HIGH that you have during peak week is well high and the day of competition is the only thing I can compare it to is when you do something for the first time and you love it. Something that you excel at. All the jitters the nervous feeling, the feeling of accomplishment and feeling proud of all your work. I’ve only ever experieneced this probably in comparrison to running my first marathon, maybe dating back to high school when I realized I had fallen in love for the first time,won a debate, completed my masters degree, got a raise / promotion at work. These are other things I could say are relatable experiences when you just feel ultimately at your BEST performance. But like I said, those of just moments in time, they don’t last forever and like all of that the after math happens.
When I woke up the day after it hadn’t sunk in what had happened yet. Trufully,
Photo Credit: Per Bernal


VELOPMENT.
EVERYDAY. Asking myself frequently, is this worth it? Even with all the personal development I do and leadership roles I’m in, I am human and emotions are hard to control. This part takes training too, just along with the physical strength. PREP is MENTAL. Most mornings I wake up feeling like I can conquer the world and then by the afternoon I start to question myself, I look at myself in the mirror constantly thinking how am I ever going to fit into this ity bitty bikini. I feel tired, hungry, grumpy and digging for energy to do my next workout. Ok it’s not all that bad, just depends on the day. Like last week I felt like this every day and was in constant battle, but this week I think I’ve just now more EXCITED to see all my work coming through. My WHOLE DAY is planned out… when I eat, what I eat, when I workout, what I workout, sleep, posing practice etc. I’m telling you every day is challenge. At any given moment I have gone from being super happy to almost or in tears. I have cried twice in the middle of workouts, literally tears running down my face while doing lunges, squats and cardio. I know exactly why I’m doing it and its normal to have all these emotions. It’s a true testimony of strength and character. Dispute the tears I always pushed through and finish every workout. It’s not that I can’t do the workouts physically or that I dread them, its more of building the control over how I feel about the way I look and trusting the process. Having control over your minds thoughts all the time is exhausting and BIGGIE is not caring what others say about you. Sometimes I’m ON and IN THE ZONE and other times not so much. Emotions ALL OVER!! Nervous for the BIG DAY, yet excited. Other times scared, defeated, tired, drained. Oh and anxious.
ing what you are doing and answering why your doing it and how your doing it to everyone that asks you while they see you carrying a gallon of water around and your meal pack bag. How about time? Maybe you can’t even go to events anymore because they are to late at night or conflict with your workouts. I’m in bed at 9pm and awake at 4am so I can do fasted cardio for 30min and get my first meal in at 5am. I need to do this so I can make sure I get ALL my meals in for the day. If I don’t wake that pushes the whole day back meaning I will be up late trying to get all my meals finished before bed. I’d have to say I’ve done a really good job with all of this and have awesome self control when I’m out with others. Temptations while I’m around people are no problem, it’s temptations in the house that were a weakness in the beginning. However, a big part of going out and socializing is the food aspect and so it does suck while everyone is indulging and enjoying yummy vegan food and I’m not. I love running and yoga and happy that my coach has allowed me to keep that once a week in my training schedule, but I’m not practicing as much as I use to or running races. That sucks to, but I know its temporary. I also love to travel and be able to go wherever whenever. Being on prep kinda has held me back from being able to enjoy doing that too. Had wanted to go to Europe this Spring, but postponed it because I wanted to do this first.
e going out for the day or some time but not sure when you will be back you HAVE to bring everything with you JUST IN CASE! So many times I thought I could make it home in time to make foo
but you will learn who is on your side and who isn’t. Relationships will be tested. Especially with the mood swings, those that truly care and love you will be there for you. Don’t hide the way you are feeling but I know that I have been alert of what to say and how much to say. For the most part my family support my lifestyle because they support all my decisions, but yeah they have no idea no matter how many times I tell them why I do this. They don’t understand why I can’t go out with them sometimes or if I do why I don’t eat with them. They ask me consistently why I can’t eat certain foods and they think I’m on a “diet”. I’ve had to separate myself apart from many friends who don’t understand and surround myself with new friends who do. SUPPORT is major.